Acidosis & Disease

Diet-induced acidosis and diseases FOR a long time I have written about acidosis (decrease in the level of the pH of the body fluid below 7.0) caused by dehydration. This concept has been proven to be true by the number of testimonies of people who have had certain medical conditions reversed by drinking water. The concept of diet-induced acidosis as a cause of disease has also been a subject of interest for more than a century. I have also written extensively about foods that are either alkaline or acid forming and avoiding those that are acid forming has changed the health status of quite a few people who wrote to me. To support what I have been writing about all these years, I have decided to bring your way the works of some researchers in other countries and I believe that this will encourage some that we are actually doing the right thing. The researchers, Pizzornoa, Frassettoa and Katzinger have clearly identified that acidosis is a very real threat to our health. Dr. Robert Young has also found out in his research that the effects of acidosis can directly contribute to various cancers, including pancreatic cancer, arthritis, osteoporosis, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, depression, Crohn’s disease, and kidney disease. Of particular interest to me is the effect of living alkaline to kidney disease which unknown to you is affecting a number of Nigerians today. Furthermore we will explore the role of alkalinity in the management of obesity, muscle gain, energy increases, libido increases, skin improvements and more. Alkaline diet and cancer Alkaline minerals prevent cancer growth. In March 2009, Robey, Baggett, Kirkpatrick, et al published a paper in the American Association for Cancer Research Journal proving that alkaline minerals (in this case NaHCO3 – sodium bicarbonate) that increases the extracellular pH of cancer tumor cells and prevent metastasis. Their research shows that the pH of the tumors are always acidic and by using highly alkaline minerals to raise the pH – the growth of the cancer (and involvement of lymph nodes) is prevented. Source: Cancer Research 69, 2260, March 15, 2009 Cancer Thrives in an acidic environment In a Cancer Research Journal, in 2006, Gatenby, Gawlinski, et al researched and discovered “chronic exposure of normal tissue to an acidic microenvironment produces toxicity by: (a) normal cell death… and (b) extracellular matrix degradation”. They proffer that glucose imbalance (an acid lifestlye) leads to a chronically acidic micro-environment (the normal cells and molecules that surround a tumor cell) which provides the perfect base for cancer. Source: Cancer Research 66, 5216-5223, May 15, 2006. Acidosis and Osteoporosis: Alkaline minerals prevent osteoporosis. A recently published study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism (Vol 94, No 1 96-102, 2009) has provided further evidence that the consumption of and supplementation with alkaline minerals is essential for good health. The objective of the study was to understand the effect of alkaline minerals (potassium bicarbonate, sodium bicarbonate and potassium chloride) on bone health – specifically, the ability of these alkaline minerals to slow the bone resorption rate and calcium excretion. The participants who were taking the bicarbonate supplements had significant reductions in urinary N-telopeptide and calcium excretion when compared to the control group. This means that when taking the alkaline minerals, bones remained stronger and healthier. Source: Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism (Vol 94, No 1 96-102, 2009). Cardiovascular disease (CVD) the alkaline diet Alkaline minerals critical to prevention of CVD. In the Journal of Orthomolecular Medicine, Joseph Campbell provides a thorough review of the scientific literature surrounding minerals and disease and highlights that the alkaline minerals, magnesium and calcium, are critical to the prevention of cardiovascular disease (CVD). He also highlights “excessive consumption of acid producing foods, results in metabolic acidosis. When this occurs, the parathyroid hormone stimulates the removal of calcium from the bones and teeth (osteolysis), to buffer or neutralize the excess acidity. After many years, such calcium loss results in depleted bone, bone weakness and structure.” Source: Journal of Orthomolecular Medicine Vol. 10, No. 3 & 4, 1995 Arthritis and alkalinity Alkaline mineral supplementation decreases pain in rheumatoid arthritis patients. This incredible study from Institute for Prevention and Nutrition (Germany) provided clear and unquestionable evidence that using an alkaline mineral supplement (30g daily) reduced pain and increased movement in patients with moderately active Rheumatoid Arthritis over a 12-week period. Source: The Open Nutrition Journal, 2008, 2, 100-105.

Mistakes Men Make In Marriage

Mistakes Men Make In Marriage

MEN, you often don’t mean to nag, but you may be making mistakes that risk ruining your marriage. In fact, if you are a typical man, you are likely making several mistakes, and making them often. Don’t believe me? Ask your wife.

Now, before you get all defensive, this isn’t about blame. These are not ridiculous relationship mistakes; they are the subtle things that you might not even know you’re doing. And changing these habits could make a big difference to your wife and that can only be good for you. Recognizing these mistakes and making efforts to correct them will not only help your marriage, it may also help your health and that of your spouse.

Over time, negative feelings in a relationship that are not addressed can lead to physical and psychological problems, says Silver Spring. Now, I want to show you some of those things you are doing wrong and which are hurting your wife without you knowing it. As usual, I expect some attacks from the men, but that won’t matter; I am enjoying every bit of it and I love you guys.

Being Sexually Selfish or Clueless

In the bedroom, according to Maslow, men forget or, worse, haven’t figured out that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on.

“Affection, making her feel loved and needed is basic for her to feel aroused,” Maslow says.

Vanderhorst says turning a woman on begins well before the lights go down. “Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a connection”, she says. But women want a connection prior to having sex.

To a typical man, sex is about going in there and coming out before the woman even starts to enjoy it. Like Vanderhorst says, turning a woman on begins before the lights go down. If you must get your wife to desire sex with you, you must be ready to get her to be happy and excited having you around even before sunset.

A good number of men complain about their wives losing appetite for sex once they have children. It is not always the case of a woman losing appetite for sex or having a low libido; it is about you and the man you are. How do you expect a normal human being to get aroused after your shouting and nagging? For a good sex life with your wife, you must be willing to create a good atmosphere for sex. I know she can be crazy and often gets on your nerves, but God has given you the ability to treat her as the weaker vessel.

Please create time to ignore your own sexual satisfaction and give up yourself for her pleasure. Explore her body to find out what her erogenous zones are and how best she wants you to handle them. It is an adventure worth taking for the woman you love.

Losing Her Friendship

Everyone desires to be with the loved one. The mistake often made by men is their belief that a woman doesn’t really need a man the moment she starts having babies. Men often times ignore their wives believing the company of the children is enough for her. Sir, her marriage is to you and not to the children.

A good number of African men end the friendship they have with their wife as soon as their babies come. What you don’t know is that the woman needs you more at that stage of her life. Don’t go the way of other men who dump their wives at home and find pleasure in the company of friends and other women. If you choose to go that way, chances are she won’t be there by the time you start seeking her company and friendship because she must have created friends and other companies to take your place.

From my counselling sessions, I have come to realize that men often misbehave at the early stage of their marriage only for them to start looking for her friendship at the later part of their lives. This is when you see men complaining of their wives not having their time, but the truth is that she is doing what she is familiar with- living her life without you.

Worshipping the Mother

I am one person who does not joke with elderly people. I also believe our parents must be properly taken care of. But I also believe a woman should be given the respect due to her in her husband’s house.

A good number of men don’t have regard for their wives. Recently, during my trip to Port Harcourt, a man came to me with a complaint about his sister who is in a marriage where the man gives money to his mother to cook not just for her husband, but also for him, the son. This is about leading to the end of her marriage as the girl’s family is bent on taking her out of that home. Guys, this is very wrong and no woman will be happy to be treated this way. Even your mother who is happily involved in this will kick against it if her daughter were to be treated that way.

The moment you get married to your wife, your mother ceases to have that very place in your heart. Give her all that she wants and make her feel loved, but let her understand that loving your wife means her you. Often times we complain about bad daughters-in-law. I have found out that the women in most cases are not really mean, but were pushed to a point where they could not but change negatively.

I am not saying there are no terrible women; there are, but men should stop turning the good women to what they are not. What do you expect when you give money for foodstuffs to your mother instead of your wife? What do you expect her to do when you keep running to your mother to ask for advice before you buy her clothes? The natural way of reacting to your style is for the woman to automatically hate your mother.

Stop hiding things about your family from her because that tells her she is just a stranger in your midst. When you are talking to your mother and the moment your wife comes out you change the topic of discussion, don’t think she doesn’t have an idea of what you are doing; she knows and will do everything to protect her own territory too. Let everyone around you know you are one with your wife.

Conflict Resolution

How do you handle issues in your home? Are you one of those men who get their friends and family involved in every argument? Are you the type that runs out to meet other women who sweet tongue you the moment you fall out with your wife? Are you that man who brings his sisters to come and beat up his wife after a fight? If you fall into any of these groups, I am sorry, but I have to let you know you are yet to become a man.

There is no problem too difficult for a real man. You may not agree with me, but the truth is that no woman is uncontrollable. The only thing that makes her look uncontrollable is the inability of her man to identify the key to her head and heart. No matter her level of madness, there is a man out there who has the key to her sanity and this is why I tell women to always be careful in their choice of a man.

Instead of you raising your hand on a woman or like some men do, carrying your chair to exchange words with a woman, bring out the man in you. Words are powerful and can conquer strong nations and kings. Words, sweet words, spoken at the right time when she is calm, can melt that very strong and tough heart.

Market List

It is surprising to know there are still men in this age and time who ask their wives for market list. Some even go the extent of asking their wife to submit her market list to the secretary for screening and approval. If you are such a man, you are a disgrace to nature. Some men won’t even give the woman money to go to the market; they do the shopping themselves all in the name of love. Others follow her to the market all in the name of love, but the truth is that they are monitoring her spending. If she is your wife, stop monitoring her.

I advise women not to make themselves too cheap by lying when it comes to market list, but I also don’t blame them much because when a man keeps her as a full time housewife and at the same time does not provide for her, the only option left is for her to start looking for ways to get some money for her upkeep. If I may ask, who should spend your money if not your wife?

Lack of appreciation

When was the last time you looked at your wife and appreciated something in and about her? When was the last time you told her how much you love her? Sir, she knows you love her, but like every other woman out there, her ears yearn to hear it every morning. She doesn’t want you to carry the burden alone and so she works hard for the family; it’s time you started praising her and letting her know you appreciate it all.

Being married to her for 20 years is not a good enough reason for you to ignore the very thing that keeps the flame of love in your home. You may be doing everything possible for her to know that you love her; she knows, but she will appreciate you more if you add words to works.

Before you do anything to your wife, please pause and ask yourself this question: how will I feel if a man does this to my daughter or sister? If your answer is in the negative, please don’t do it to her
.

Bananas prevent HIV infection

Bananas prevent HIV infection: Chemicals found in bananas are better at preventing HIV than two current synthetic anti-HIV drugs, according to new study. Your favorite oblong fruit might be even healthier than you realized. According to The Gazette (Montreal) newspaper, a new study has found that chemicals commonly found in bananas are as potent in preventing HIV as two synthetic anti-HIV drugs. Researchers say the findings could lead to a cheap new component for applied microbicides that prevent sexual transmission of HIV. The miracle substance in bananas is called BanLec, a type of lectin, which are the sugar-binding proteins found in a variety of plants. Scientists have long been interested in lectins because of their ability to halt the chain reaction that leads to certain viral infections. In the case of BanLec, it works by binding naturally to the sugar-rich envelope that encases the HIV virus, thus blocking its entry into the body. "The problem with some HIV drugs is that the virus can mutate and become resistant, but that's much harder to do in the presence of lectins," said lead author Michael D. Swanson. "Lectins can bind to the sugars found on different spots of the HIV-1 envelope, and presumably it will take multiple mutations for the virus to get around them." Swanson and his colleagues noted that even modest success in developing BanLec into a vaginal or anal microbicide could save millions of lives. In fact, 20 percent coverage with a microbicide that is only 60 percent effective against HIV may prevent up to 2.5 million HIV infections in three years. Furthermore, a BanLec ointment would be much cheaper to produce and distribute than most current anti-retroviral medications that require the production of synthetic components. One thing's for sure: new ways of stopping the transmission of HIV are desperately needed. Condoms are effective, but they are often used incorrectly or inconsistently, and in many cultures and developing countries women are not always in control of their sexual encounters. The introduction of a cheap, long-lasting, self-applied ointment derived naturally from bananas could change all of that.

LIFE & STYLE: People, Places and Events

IN a bid to promote the culture and tradition of the Osun people on an international platform, the state government recently partnered Eko Promotions to feature Oduduwa float at the Notting Hill Carnival held recently in London. The procession, which featured other cultural displays by other Nigerians in their traditional regalia, especially those from the Yoruba speaking states, witnessed a colorful display of African culture. Featuring for the first time in the history of the carnival that brings people across the globe together, the event paraded activities such as the famous Eyo masquerade, Sango, drummers and traditional dancers, who showcased electrifying steps. Speaking on the project, the Creative Directors of Eko Promotions, Mrs. Bose Akindipe, informed that the initiative was conceived as a platform to celebrate the rich culture of the state, as well as educate the younger generation on the importance of tradition. There is a large number of Nigerians in the United Kingdom and other parts of the world, she said. “These set of people are already feeling a sense of disconnect from their background and events such as this help to refresh their memory.” According to Akindipe, the Yoruba tribe has a very rich culture, which should always be showcase to the world. “Like other cultures in Nigeria, we need to create opportunities to promote the Yoruba culture; Notting Hill was a perfect opportunity to sell our culture. With the level of participation by Nigerians in the UK, it’s obvious that we still have people, who are committed to their roots.” Explaining the choice of Osun State as a partner for this event, Anthony Joseph noted that, “the source of the Yoruba origin is Osun State; it has demonstrated enough commitment to the advancement of Yoruba culture in and outside Nigerian. We are confident that subsequent events will provide opportunities for brands and organisations to showcase their products and services to the world.”

Fat & Sex

SEX & WEIGHT LOSS...BIZARRE.

Weight loss through Sex? Very Bizarre After divorcing her husband three years ago, Pauline Potter – already a whopping 46stone – piled on so much extra weight that she became the heaviest woman in the world. But at a staggering 50stone, her ex-husband Alex (a svelte 11stone), couldn't resist her and set out to win her back and re-ignite their sex life. The couple now have marathon sex sessions of up to seven times in one day and Pauline maintains that the 'sexercise' is what's keeping her slim. The 'sexathons' with Alex, who has visited her twice a month for four days at a time, have had a dramatic effect on her size, helping her shed a stone each month by sweating off the calories. 'I can't move much in bed, but I burn 500 calories a session-it's great exercise just jiggling around,' she told Closer Magazine. Even though one of Pauline's legs weighs more than Alex does, the couple are able to enjoy sex using different positions. And although Pauline isn't yet confident enough to buy sexy lingerie, she drapes a nice sheet over her to achieve the same effect in the bedroom. The 47-year-old, who as a 19-year-old son Dillion from a previous marriage, met Alex in 2002 online and they married three years later. After their marriage hit the rocks, the daycare centre worker moved to California in 2008 with Dillion and that is when she hit rock bottom and her weight spiralled out of control. In July she made a dramatic move and entered herself into the Guinness Book of Records to shame herself into dieting. It was when Alex saw she had clinched the Guinness World Record for her enormous size, that he rushed to move back in with his former partner in Sacramento, California. She is now motivated to reach her target weight of 38st in order to become mobile enough to move in with Alex, who currently lives in Arizona. She told Closer: 'I still eat Big Macs, but I'll choose between fries or nuggets. 'I tell Alex he needs to visit more so he can help me shed the pounds quicker!'

What Microsoft is not telling us-Surface

Courtesy of Redmondpie.com What Microsoft failed to tell us Barely a week ago, Microsoft came out with what I considered the best tablet one could ever have. With its Microsoft background and laptop functionality, I thought I finally got the tablet of my dream. You got USB slot, and an array of other connectivity options. With Microsoft throwing in the keyboard cover and a stand, what could a guy ever want more than these? Then Microsoft threw in the shocker. No availability date for the Surface and no price tag. I was actually going to break my piggy bank when it suddenly dawned on me that there was no price fixed and there was no date for delivery of these goodies. How could they have made such a blunder? Or was it deliberate? Price Tag It is no news that the Surface is coming out in two versions. The ARM version Windows RT based one and the Intel Processor version Windows 8 Pro one. What is new and not mentioned by Microsoft is the price tag. A new report from TheNextWeb has emerged which cites a “source close to Microsoft” who claims that the Windows RT-based model of Microsoft’s 10.6” tablet will start at $599 while the Windows 8 Pro-based model will be available at a whopping $999. This to us seem to be on the expensive side considering that iPad prices just round up around these same values as the Windows RT model. But the Windows 8 Pro in spite of its larger storage and features still seem grossly overpriced. One would have expected a lower cost. Or perhaps it is priced like that so that independent manufacturers could take advantage of these prices to make good sales by producing and selling off their own versions at much lower prices. Only time shall tell. Wifi Only? Reports coming from Bloomberg site, a usually dependable site, says that the Surface tablets will come as wi-fi only at launch. Now that is quite a let down. But will it be a deal breaker? That depends on how much you want the cellular connectivity and your part of the world. If Microsoft takes developing countries where wi-fi networks are non existent (like Nigeria) into consideration, the tablets will launch with 3G +4G connectivity. But then, following the Apple way, wi-fi only it is. So what do you folks think; would lack of cellular connection put you off the Surface? Or would you be quite content with a Wi-Fi only model? Then what about the price tag? A deal breaker? Let’s have your comments and discussions bellow.    

WHAT IS STRESS?

What Is Anxiety? Anxiety is a general term for several disorders that cause nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worrying. These disorders affect how we feel and behave, and they can manifest real physical symptoms. Mild anxiety is vague and unsettling, while severe anxiety can be extremely debilitating, having a serious impact on daily life. People often experience a general state of worry or fear before confronting something challenging such as a test, examination, recital, or interview. These feelings are easily justified and considered normal. Anxiety is considered a problem when symptoms interfere with a person's ability to sleep or otherwise function. Generally speaking, anxiety occurs when a reaction is out of proportion with what might be normally expected in a situation. Anxiety disorders can be classified into several more specific types. The most common are briefly described below. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)? Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is a chronic disorder characterized by excessive, long-lasting anxiety and worry about nonspecific life events, objects, and situations. GAD sufferers often feel afraid and worry about health, money, family, work, or school, but they have trouble both identifying the specific fear and controlling the worries. Their fear is usually unrealistic or out of proportion with what may be expected in their situation. Sufferers expect failure and disaster to the point that it interferes with daily functions like work, school, social activities, and relationships. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is Panic Disorder? Panic Disorder is a type of anxiety characterized by brief or sudden attacks of intense terror and apprehension that leads to shaking, confusion, dizziness, nausea, and difficulty breathing. Panic attacks tend to arise abruptly and peak after 10 minutes, but they then may last for hours. Panic disorders usually occur after frightening experiences or prolonged stress, but they can be spontaneous as well. A panic attack may lead an individual to be acutely aware of any change in normal body function, interpreting it as a life threatening illness - hypervigiliance followed by hypochondriasis. In addition, panic attacks lead a sufferer to expect future attacks, which may cause drastic behavioral changes in order to avoid these attacks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is a Phobia? A Phobia is an irrational fear and avoidance of an object or situation. Phobias are different from generalized anxiety disorders because a phobia has a fear response identified with a specific cause. The fear may be acknowledged as irrational or unnecessary, but the person is still unable to control the anxiety that results. Stimuli for phobia may be as varied as situations, animals, or everyday objects. For example, agoraphobia occurs when one avoids a place or situation to avoid an anxiety or panic attack. Agoraphobics will situate themselves so that escape will not be difficult or embarrassing, and they will change their behavior to reduce anxiety about being able to escape. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is Social Anxiety Disorder? Social Anxiety Disorder is a type of social phobia characterized by a fear of being negatively judged by others or a fear of public embarrassment due to impulsive actions. This includes feelings such as stage fright, a fear of intimacy, and a fear of humiliation. This disorder can cause people to avoid public situations and human contact to the point that normal life is rendered impossibl. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)? Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by thoughts or actions that are repetitive, distressing, and intrusive. OCD suffers usually know that their compulsions are unreasonable or irrational, but they serve to alleviate their anxiety. Often, the logic of someone with OCD will appear superstitious, such as an insistence in walking in a certain pattern. OCD sufferers may obsessively clean personal items or hands or constantly check locks, stoves, or light switches. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is anxiety that results from previous trauma such as military combat, rape, hostage situations, or a serious accident. PTSD often leads to flashbacks and behavioral changes in order to avoid certain stimuli. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is Separation Anxiety Disorder? Separation Anxiety Disorder is characterized by high levels of anxiety when separated from a person or place that provides feelings of security or safety. Sometimes separation results in panic, and it is considered a disorder when the response is excessive or inappropriate.

DEVELOPING EMOTIONAL AWARENESS: THE HOW.

Developing Emotional Awareness Recognizing and Harnessing the Power of Your Emotions Emotions are the glue that connects you to other people and gives meaning to life. They are the foundation of your ability to understand yourself and relate to others. When you are aware and in control of your emotions, you can think clearly and creatively; manage stress and challenges; communicate well with others; and display trust, empathy, and confidence. But lose control of your emotions, and you’ll spin into confusion, isolation, and negativity. By recognizing and harnessing your emotions you can gain control over the way you react to challenges, improve your communication skills, and enjoy more fulfilling relationships. This is the power of developing emotional awareness. Whether we’re aware of them or not, emotions are a constant presence in our lives, underlying and influencing everything we do. Emotional awareness means knowing what you are feeling and why. It’s the ability to identify and express what you are feeling from moment to moment and to understand the connection between your feelings and your actions. Emotional awareness also allows you to understand what others are feeling and to empathize with them. Emotional awareness involves two basic abilities: The ability to recognize your moment-to-moment emotional experience The ability to handle all of your emotions without becoming overwhelmed Why emotional awareness matters Have you ever felt like depression, anxiety, or anger was controlling you? Do you often act impulsively, doing or saying things you know you shouldn’t, only to regret it later? Do you feel disconnected from your feelings or emotionally numb? Do you have a hard time communicating with others and forming meaningful connections? Do you feel like your life is an emotional rollercoaster—all extremes and no balance? All of these challenges are related to a breakdown in emotional awareness. Our emotions, not our thoughts, motivate us. Without an awareness of what you’re feeling, it’s impossible to fully understand your own behavior, appropriately manage your emotions and actions, and accurately “read” the wants and needs of others. Emotional awareness helps you: Recognize who you are: what you like, what you don’t like, and what you need Understand and empathize with others Communicate clearly and effectively Make wise decisions based on the things that are most important to you Get motivated and take action to meet goals Build strong, healthy, and rewarding relationships How developing emotional awareness can bring your life into balance “My life is an emotional rollercoaster!” Life doesn’t have to be about high highs and low lows. Becoming more in touch with your emotions can help moderate the extreme up and down swings. “I often regret what I say or do.” If you often wish you could press an “undo” button—or you simply have a short fuse—you can gain emotional awareness by learning to prolong patience during times of stress. “I have no energy.” Got the blahs? When there is nothing physically wrong with you, and you still don’t have any ‘get up and go,’ you might be depressed. When you are more emotionally aware, you can tune into these feelings and make a change for the better. “The people I’m interested in aren’t interested in me.” Relationships are hard, but you can have an easier time meeting people and creating lasting bonds when you become more emotionally aware. “I can’t seem to get ahead, even though I’m smart and work hard.” Sometimes, getting ahead at your career requires more than book smarts and effort. Becoming more emotionally aware can help you communicate better and advance your position. “They call me a robot.” There is such thing as too much control over emotions. If you’ve reined yourself in so much that you show no emotion whatsoever, you might benefit from becoming more balanced with your feelings. Evaluating your emotional awareness Although emotional awareness is the basis of emotional health, good communication, and solid relationships, many people remain relatively unacquainted with their core emotional experience. It is surprising how few people can easily answer the question: “What are you experiencing emotionally?” What is your level of emotional awareness? Can you tolerate strong feelings, including anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and joy? Do you feel your emotions in your body? If you are sad or mad, do you experience physical sensations in places like your stomach and chest? Do you ever make decisions based on “gut feelings” or use your emotions to guide your decisions? When your body signals that something is wrong (stomach tightening, hair standing on end) do you trust it? Are you comfortable with all of your emotions? Do you allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, or fear without being judgmental or trying to suppress them? Do you pay attention to your every-changing emotional experience? Do you notice a variety of emotions throughout the day or are you stuck in only one or two emotions? Are you comfortable talking about your emotions? Do you communicate your feelings honestly? Do you feel that, in general, others understand and empathize with your feelings? Are you comfortable with others knowing your emotions? Are you sensitive to the emotions of others? Is it relatively easy for you to pick up on what other people are feeling and put yourself in their shoes? If you didn’t answer “usually” or even “sometimes” to most of these questions, you’re not alone. Most people are not emotionally aware, but you can be, even if you have avoided some of your feelings for a long time. By learning to recognize, manage, and deal with your emotions, you’ll enjoy greater happiness and health, as well as better relationships. When we can't manage stress, emotions may overwhelm us You can’t manage emotions until you know how to manage stress. Emotions are unpredictable. We never know what will trigger an emotional response, and when stress strikes, we don’t always have the time or opportunity to get back into balance by going for a run, for example, or taking a relaxing bath. What you need are tools that allow you to manage stress quickly and in the moment. Emotional awareness depends on your ability to rapidly relieve stress Emotional awareness requires the ability to manage stress as it’s happening. The ability to quickly reduce stress allows you to safely face strong emotions, confident in the knowledge that you’ll be able to stay calm and in control—even when something upsetting happens. Once you know how to calm yourself down once you start to feel overwhelmed, you can begin to explore the emotions that seem uncomfortable or even frightening. Emotion is a double-edged sword that is meant to help but can also hurt If you're a person who doesn't know how to manage your emotions, or have lived with such a person, feelings can seem frightening and overwhelming. Fear and helplessness may cause you to freeze, act out, or shut down—inhibiting your ability to think rationally and causing you to say and do things you later regret. Common ways of controlling or avoiding uncomfortable emotions Many addictive and inappropriate behaviors are rooted in an inability to take emotionally stressful situations in your stride. Instead, you may try to control or avoid difficult emotions by: Distracting yourself with obsessive thoughts, escapist fantasies, mindless entertainment, and addictive behaviors in order to avoid emotions you fear or dislike. Watching television for hours, playing computer games, and surfing the Internet are common ways we avoid dealing with our feelings. Sticking with one emotional response that you feel comfortable with, no matter what the situation requires. For example, constantly joking around to cover up insecurities or getting angry all the time to avoid feeling frightened and sad. Shutting down or shutting out intense emotions. If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, you may cope by numbing yourself. You may feel completely disconnected from your emotions, like you no longer have feelings at all. The upside of unpleasant emotions Anger can be both deadly and restorative. Out-of-control anger can run amok endangering others and ourselves. But anger can also protect and preserve life. Anger is an emotion with a lot of energy that can be used to save life by mobilizing us and inspiring determination and creative action. Sadness can lead to depression but also supports emotional healing. Sadness is a call to slow down, stop thinking and surrender to what we are experiencing emotionally. Sadness asks us to open up, trust and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to heal and recover from loss. Fear that overwhelms us is debilitating but fear also triggers lifesaving reactions that protect us from harm. Fear is a deeply rooted emotion—often the cause of chronic anger or depression. Overwhelming fear can be a barrier that separates us from others, but fear also supports life by signaling danger and triggering life-preserving action. Why avoiding unpleasant emotions isn’t the answer We are all born with a capacity to freely experience the full range of human emotions—including joy, anger, sadness, and fear. Yet many people are disconnected from some or all of their feelings. People who were traumatized in early life often disconnect from their emotions and the physical feelings they evoke. But when you try to avoid pain and discomfort, your emotions become distorted, displaced, and stifled. You lose touch with your emotions when you attempt to control or avoid them, rather than experience them. The consequences of avoiding your emotions: You don’t know yourself. This is one of the most important consequences. It includes understanding why you react to different situations, how much or how little things mean to you, and the difference between what you think you want and what you really need. You lose the good, along with the bad. When you shut down negative feelings like anger, fear, or sadness, you also shut down your ability to experience positive feelings such as joy, love, and happiness. It’s exhausting. You can distort and numb emotions, but you can’t eliminate them entirely. It takes a lot of energy to avoid having an authentic emotional experience and keep your feelings suppressed. The effort leaves you stressed and drained. It damages your relationships. The more you distance yourself from your feelings, the more distant you become from others, as well as yourself. You lose the ability to build strong relationships and communicate effectively, both of which depend on being in touch with your emotions. By avoiding emotions we dislike, we distance ourselves from pleasant emotions When we disconnect from emotions we dislike – emotions that we find uncomfortable or overwhelming - we automatically shut down intensely positive emotions like joy, laughter, and playfulness that sustain us in difficult and challenging times. We can overcome loss and great challenges, but only if we retain our ability to experience joy. These pleasant, uplifting emotions remind us in the worst of times that life is worthwhile and can be wonderful as well as painful. Make friends with all your emotions If you’ve never learned how to manage stress, the idea of reconnecting to unpleasant emotions may be uncomfortable. But even traumatized people can heal by learning to safely navigate their emotional experiences. You can change the way you experience and respond to your emotions. The process of raising emotional awareness involves reconnecting with all of the core emotions, including anger, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and joy via a process of self-healing. As you start this process, keep the following facts in mind: Emotions quickly come and go, if you let them You may be worried that once you reconnect to the emotions you’ve been avoiding, you’ll be stuck with them forever, but that’s not so. When we don’t obsess about our emotions, even the most painful and difficult feelings subside and lose their power to control our attention. When our feelings are freed, the core emotions of anger, sadness, fear, and joy quickly come and go. Throughout the day, you’ll see, read, or hear something that momentarily triggers a strong feeling of some sort. But if you don’t focus on the feeling, it won’t last, and a different emotion will soon take its place. Your body can clue you in to your emotions Our emotions are closely aligned to physical sensations in our bodies. When you experience a strong emotion, you probably also feel it somewhere in your body. By paying attention to these physical sensations, you can understand your emotions better. For example, if your stomach tightens up every time you spend time with a particular person, you can conclude that you feel uncomfortable in their presence. With the exception of a headache, physical feelings are usually experienced somewhere below the bridge of the nose. Examples include: Sensations in your stomach Tension in your muscles Subtle urges to move body parts Flashes of insight or “gut feelings” You don’t have to choose between thinking and feeling Emotional awareness functions like instinct. When it’s strongly developed, you’ll know what you are feeling without having to think about it—and you’ll be able to use these emotional signals to understand what is really going on in a situation and act accordingly. The goal is to find a balance between your intellect and your emotions. The fact is that emotional awareness will help you set healthy boundaries, communicate well with others, predict what others are going to do, and make better decisions. Emotional awareness is a mindfulness skill you can learn Emotional awareness is a skill—which means that with patience and practice, it can be learned at any time of life. You can develop emotional awareness by learning a mindfulness meditation that focuses on moment-to-moment physical and emotional sensations in your body. This meditation, “Ride the Wild Horse,” helps you to get in touch with difficult emotions and manage uncomfortable feelings. When you know how to do this, you can remain in control, rather than becoming overwhelmed—even in very challenging situations.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION 4 : EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

Effective communication skills #4: Emotional awareness Learn to recognize & accept your emotions Emotions play an important role in the way we communicate at home and work. It’s the way you feel, more than the way you think, that motivates you to communicate or to make decisions. The way you react to emotionally-driven, nonverbal cues affects both how you understand other people and how they understand you. If you are out of touch with your feelings, and don’t understand how you feel or why you feel that way, you’ll have a hard time communicating your feelings and needs to others. This can result in frustration, misunderstandings, and conflict. When you don’t address what’s really bothering you, you often become embroiled in petty squabbles instead—arguing with your spouse about how the towels should be hung, for example, or with a coworker about whose turn it is to restock the copier. Emotional awareness provides you the tools for understanding both yourself and other people, and the real messages they are communicating to you. Although knowing your own feelings may seem simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. But your ability to communicate depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on communicating only on a rational level, it will impair your ability to fully understand others, creatively problem solve, resolve conflicts, or build an affectionate connection with someone. How emotional awareness can improve effective communication Emotional awareness—consciousness of your moment-to-moment emotional experience—and the ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately is the basis for effective communication. Emotional awareness helps you: Understand and empathize with what is really troubling other people. Understand yourself, including what’s really troubling you and what you really want. Stay motivated to understand and empathize with the person you’re interacting with, even if you don’t like them or their message. Communicate clearly and effectively, even when delivering negative messages. Build strong, trusting, and rewarding relationships, think creatively, solve problems, and resolve conflicts.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION 3: Managing Stress

Effective communication skills #3: Managing stress Learn to recognize & reduce hidden stress In small doses, stress can help you perform under pressure. However, when stress becomes constant and overwhelming, it can hamper effective communication by disrupting your capacity to think clearly and creatively, and act appropriately. When you’re stressed, you’re more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. How many times have you felt stressed during a disagreement with your spouse, kids, boss, friends, or coworkers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly relieve stress and return to a calm state, you’ll not only avoid such regrets, but in many cases you’ll also help to calm the other person as well. It’s only when you’re in a calm, relaxed state that you'll be able to know whether the situation requires a response, or whether the other person’s signals indicate it would be better to remain silent. Quick stress relief for effective communication When stress strikes, you can’t always temper it by taking time out to meditate or go for a run, especially if you’re in the middle of a meeting with your boss or an argument with your spouse, for example. By learning to quickly reduce stress in the moment, though, you can safely face any strong emotions you’re experiencing, regulate your feelings, and behave appropriately. When you know how to maintain a relaxed, energized state of awareness—even when something upsetting happens—you can remain emotionally available and engaged. To deal with stress during communication: Recognize when you’re becoming stressed. Your body will let you know if you’re stressed as you communicate. Are your muscles or your stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Are you "forgetting" to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before deciding to continue a conversation or postpone it. Bring your senses to the rescue and quickly manage stress by taking a few deep breaths, clenching and relaxing muscles, or recalling a soothing, sensory-rich image, for example. The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you. See Quick Stress Relief for more ideas. Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to diffuse stress when communicating. When you or those around you start taking things too seriously, find a way to lighten the mood by sharing a joke or amusing story. Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, you’ll be able to find a happy middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. If you realize that the other person cares much more about something than you do, compromise may be easier for you and a good investment in the future of the relationship. Agree to disagree, if necessary, and take time away so everyone can calm down. Take a quick break and move away from the situation. Take a stroll outside if possible, or spend a few minutes meditating. Physical movement or finding a quiet place to regain your balance can quickly reduce stress.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION 2

Effective communication skills #2: Nonverbal communication When we communicate things that we care about, we do so mainly using nonverbal signals. Wordless communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice, and even your muscle tension and breathing. The way you look, listen, move, and react to another person tells them more about how you’re feeling than words alone ever can. Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you connect with others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships at home and work. You can enhance effective communication by using open body language—arms uncrossed, standing with an open stance or sitting on the edge of your seat, and maintaining eye contact with the person you’re talking to. You can also use body language to emphasize or enhance your verbal message—patting a friend on the back while complimenting him on his success, for example, or pounding your fists to underline your message. Tips for improving how you read nonverbal communication Practice observing people in public places, such as a shopping mall, bus, train, café, restaurant, or even on a television chat show with the sound muted. Observing how others use body language can teach you how to better receive and use nonverbal signals when conversing with others. Notice how people act and react to each other. Try to guess what their relationship is, what they’re talking about, and how each feels about what is being said. Be aware of individual differences. People from different countries and cultures tend to use different nonverbal communication gestures, so it’s important to take age, culture, religion, gender, and emotional state into account when reading body language signals. An American teen, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, are likely to use nonverbal signals differently. Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you receive, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Anyone can slip up occasionally and let eye contact slip, for example, or briefly cross their arms without meaning to. Consider the signals as a whole to get a better “read” on a person. Tips for improving how deliver nonverbal communication Use nonverbal signals that match up with your words. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel you’re being dishonest. For example, you can’t say “yes” while shaking your head no. Adjust your nonverbal signals according to the context. The tone of your voice, for example, should be different when you’re addressing a child than when you’re addressing a group of adults. Similarly, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you’re interacting with. Use body language to convey positive feelings even when you're not actually experiencing them. If you’re nervous about a situation—a job interview, important presentation, or first date, for example—you can use positive body language to signal confidence, even though you’re not feeling it. Instead of tentatively entering a room with your head down, eyes averted, and sliding into a chair, try standing tall with your shoulders back, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and delivering a firm handshake. It will make you feel more self-confident and help to put the other person at ease.

CHILDPROOFING YOUR HOME

A child is curious and likes to explore. All the rooms in the house are its playground – and that includes corners, doors, wires and electric plugs. Here is an extensive childproofing checklist that will ensure that your child will be safer at home. All rooms Remember to use anti-trapping devices for doors, child-proof locks for windows, ensure that all sockets are covered with safety cover, and attach all loose wires with clips to the list or hide them behind furniture. Install stair gates to prevent the child from falling down, check the smoke detectors batteries every month, and take a good look at the furniture in order to discover sharp edges and corners. Kitchen Put locks on the doors and cabinets that the child can reach and open, install fire protection so that the child cannot reach pots and other cooking utensils, do not place hot drinks or hot food on near the tables’ edges. Also, dishwashing powder and things that are toxic are placed in upper cabins where the child cannot access them. Toys Every toy should be of high quality and it is important that the toys have no removable small details. The baby toys should be constructed for the child's age. If you have older children, be aware that the younger one might get their hands on toys inappropriate for them. The bathroom Never leave your baby alone in the bathroom. When bathing the baby fill the tub only to cover the child's legs, put a non-slip mat in the bath, and get a bath seat so your child can sit. Preventing falls Another childproofing tip is to never leave your baby alone without supervision. If you have to do it you have to put your baby in the cradle and remove any items that your baby can get hurt on. Safe sleep Let your baby lie on the back, never on the stomach (the baby can suffocate). Neither should the baby have a pillow that is too soft. Your baby will also be where it is not too hot (do not lie the baby where the sun shines or near a strong lamp). A childproofing checklist can be made endlessly long. But be assured, that if you have your baby’s safety on priority, than you will surely be able to childproof you home and to act responsibly.

SEXUAL ABUSE IN CHILDREN

A child is most likely to be sexually abused by someone he knows and trusts, such as a coach, teacher, neighbor, babysitter or family member. For the sake of any child you care for, it is important that you can recognize signs and symptoms of child sexual abuse. IDENTIFICATION Signs and symptoms of sexual abuse in children include if they have trouble sitting or walking or make a strong effort to stay away from a certain person without any apparent reason. Another sign of child sexual abuse is if a child demonstrates knowledge or interest in sexual acts or seductive behavior that is inappropriate for his age. Signs also include a child under the age of 14 becoming pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Another sign is when a child does not want to change his clothes in front of other people or participate in activities he used to enjoy. FEATURES An additional symptom of child sexual abuse is when a child has inexplicable fears. He might have severe disturbances while sleeping, accompanied by sweating, screaming or shaking. Your child might also be afraid of certain places or people or be hesitant about being alone with one person in particular. EFFECTS Signs of sexual abuse in children can also include physical things, such as trauma around your child's genital or anal area. He might also have genital infection symptoms including a foul odor or rash, complaints about pain while urinating or defecating. CONSIDERATIONS A child who has experienced sexual abuse might also display sudden mood and behavioral changes, including isolation, self-hatred, fear, rage, insecurity, irritability or unexplained panic attacks. Your child might also revert back to behaviors he did while younger, such as bed-wetting or sucking his thumb. PREVENTION/SOLUTION If you notice your child displaying any of the signs and symptoms of sexual abuse, you should first and foremost provide unconditional support and calm reassurance. Do not display any feelings of denial you might have to your child or show shock or disgust if your child tells you he has experienced sexual abuse, as this might cause him to avoid sharing what happened with you. Let your child explain what happened without interrogating him or asking too many questions. Reassure your your kid is the key to building confidence and reassurance. Appropriate action can be taking against those implicated to forestall future occurrence.

EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE.

Emotional Child Abuse. A child can be emotionally abused, not only with sticks and stones which may lead to broken bones and bruises. wrong words are just as potent if not more. Such children are prone to severely damaged mental health and poor social developments with a life long sycological scar as the cosequence. What constitute emotional Scar? - Constant belittling, Shaming and generally humiliating a child constitute child abuse. - Names calling and constant negative comparison damages a child's psyce. - Using negative phrases such as...No-do-gooder,worthless,bad or that a child is a mistake has a devastating psychological side effect. - Frequent yelling, threatening or bullying is the m,ost common child abuse. - The Silent Treatment: Ignoring, negleting or giving a child cold shudder is a form of emotional child abuse. - Delibrately limiting physical contact with a child...no kissing, no cooing,hugs of lack of other signs affection amount to emotional child abuse. - And finally, exposing a child to violence or abuse of others whether parents, siblings or pet amout to child abuse. PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE; When there is physical injury or harm done to the child. This may be deliberate in an attempt to hurt the child as a form of corporal purnishement or inadvertent , using belt, sticks or stoning. Some caregiver often attribute such purnishemet to discipline. But physical purnishement that emphasises inappropriate method is nothing but gross child abuse.

CHILD ABUSE

Our next pre occupation on this social forum would be CHILD ABUSE. WHAT IS CHILD ABUSE: By definition: Child abuse is the physical, sexual and emotional mistreatment or neglet of a child or minor. Mistreatment is defined as any act or series of act of commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, or threat of harm to a child. Child abuse can occur in a child's home, organizations, schools and communities the child interact with. CATEGORIES OF ABUSE: 1]. Neglect. 2]. Physical. 3]. Emotional( physiological). 4]. Sexual. CAUSES: - UNEMPLOYMENT. - SPARENTS ARE MORE LIKELY TO ABUSE CHILDREN THAN BIOLOGICAL PARENTS. - PARENTAL UP-BRINGING/ BACKGROUND. - SUBSTANCE ABUSE. - STEP CHILDREN ARE MORE PRONE. - UNINTENDED PREGNANCIES ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE ABUSED. - MARITAL STRIFE HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS BEEN ABUSED. * Excessively withdrawn, fearful, or anxious about doing something wrong. * Shows extrems in behavior( either in demandor passivity or aggression) * Lack of attachement to parens or caregiver. * Acting inppropriately either as adult(ie taking care of other children)or infantile-Thumb sucking etc.

FACTS ABOUT BANANA...A must Read.

8 Interesting Facts About Banana A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from effects of bananas on the brain. Read on: 8 Interesting Facts About Banana Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!! This is interesting. After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again. Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet Depression : According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier. PMS : Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood. Anemia : High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia. Blood Pressure : This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

A NEW THREAT TO JOURNALISM.

All these news agencies, God willing, we find their office, we’re going to attack,” the narrator says. A radical Islamist sect published a video Tuesday showing a smiling suicide bomber drive into the offices of a major Nigerian newspaper and blow himself up, an attack that killed at least three people and made journalists a new target of the extremist group. The 18-minute video posted on YouTube includes new threats against journalists and major Nigerian newspapers, as well as the Hausa language services of Voice of America and Radio France International. An unnamed male speaker also threatens new attacks against Nigeria’s weak central government, saying security forces continue to hold the wives and children of its followers hostage. “If they destroy one brick from our building, we will destroy 500 from theirs,” the man says in Hausa. The video shows the suicide bomber drive a sport utility vehicle on April 26 into the Abuja offices of ThisDay, an influential newspaper. As a man softly prays, the car blows up, sending a massive fireball into the air. The attack killed at least three people at the offices in Nigeria’s capital. A separate bombing at offices the newspaper shared with other publications in the city of Kaduna killed at least four people. In the video, a narrator blames ThisDay for publishing inaccurate and biased information about the sect known as Boko Haram. In particular, the man mentions a 2002 article published by ThisDay suggesting the Prophet Muhammad would have married a Miss World pageant contestant. The video also shows the photograph of the reporter who wrote the article, which sparked riots in Kaduna that killed dozens. “The punishment for that is the person should be killed, especially when you’re talking about Prophet Muhammad,” the man says. The reporter who wrote the article later fled Nigeria for Europe. The narrator also warns other Nigerian newspapers that they will be attacked for their reporting, as well as the local services of VOA and RFI. Both the VOA and RFI broadcast via shortwave radio across Nigeria’s Muslim north. David Borgida, a VOA spokesman based in Washington, declined to comment on the specific threat posed by Boko Haram, but said the broadcaster “takes the safety of all its journalists very seriously.” Officials at RFI could not be immediately reached for comment Tuesday. Boko Haram, whose name means “Western education is sacrilege” in the Hausa language of Nigeria’s north, is waging an increasingly bloody sectarian fight against Nigeria’s weak central government. The sect is blamed for killing more than 450 people this year alone, according to an Associated Press count. Diplomats and military officials say Boko Haram has links with two other al-Qaida-aligned terrorist groups in Africa. Members of the sect also reportedly have been spotted in northern Mali which Tuareg rebels and hardline Islamists seized control of over the past month. The video shows a new sophistication of the sect. Past videos have simply shown the sect’s leader Sheik Abubakar Shekau talking. Tuesday’s video included images from an attack for the first time, as well as using another speaker besides Shekau to spread the sect’s message. It also reemphasizes the threat the sect poses to journalists in Nigeria, a country of more than 160 million people largely divided into a Christian south and a Muslim north. The sect previously killed two journalists. “All these news agencies, God willing, we find their office, we’re going to attack,” the narrator says. “Anything that has to do with them, even their worrrkers'.

A FATHER IN A MILLION 2

Being a father can be a wonderful thing, once you get past all the gross stuff, all the stressful events, the loss of privacy, and the bewildering numbers of ways you can screw it up. But other than those few things, fatherhood is wonderful. Every dad has fears that he won’t be a great dad, that he’ll mess up, that he’ll be a failure. It comes with the job. Unfortunately, what doesn’t come with the job is a simple set of instructions. As guys, we often will skip the manual, figuring we can wing it … but when things go wrong, it’s nice to have that manual to go back to. Fatherhood needs that manual. And while, as the father of six children, you might say that I’m qualified to write such a manual, it’s not true — I’m winging it like everyone else. However, I’ve been a father for more than 15 years, and with six kids I’ve learned a lot about what works and what doesn’t, what’s important and what you can safely ignore (unlike that odd grating sound coming from your engine). What follows are the fatherhood tips I wish they’d passed out to me upon the delivery of my first child. It would have helped a ton. I hope they’ll help you become an even more awesome dad than you already are — feel free to refer back to them as a cheat sheet, anytime you need some help. Cherish your time with them. One thing that will amaze you is how quickly the years will fly. My oldest daughter is 15, which means I have three short years with her before she leaves the nest. That’s not enough time! The time you have with them is short and precious — make the most of it. Spend as much time as you can with them, and make it quality, loving time. Try to be present as much as possible while you’re with them too — don’t let your mind drift away, as they can sense that. It gets easier. Others may have different experiences, but I’ve always found the first couple of months the most difficult, when the baby is brand new and wants to feed at all hours of the night and you often have sleepless nights and walk around all day like zombies. It gets easier, as they get a regular sleeping pattern. The first couple of years are also a lot more demanding than later years, and as they hit middle school they become almost functioning, independent adults. It gets easier, trust me. Don’t look at anything as “mom” duties — share responsibilities. While there are a lot of good things from our grandparents’ day that we should bring back, the traditional dad/mom split of parenting duties isn’t one of them. Some men still look at certain duties as “mom” duties, but don’t be one of those dads. Get involved in everything, and share the load with your baby mama. Changing diapers, giving baths, getting them dressed, even feeding them (you can give them breast milk in a bottle). Love conquers all. This one sounds corny, but it should be at the center of your dad operating philosophy: above all, show your children love. When you’re upset, instead of yelling, show them love. When they are upset, show them love. When they least expect it, show them love. Everything else is just details. Kids like making decisions. While it is easier to be an authoritarian parent, what you’re teaching your child is to submit to orders no matter what. Instead, teach your child to make decisions, and he’ll grow up much more capable — and happier. Kids like freedom and decisions, just like any other human beings. Your job is to allow them to make decisions, but within the parameters that you set. Give them a choice between two healthy breakfasts, for example, rather than allowing them to eat a bowl of sugar if they choose to. A little patience goes a long way. As a parent, I know as well as anyone how easy it is to lose your patience and temper. However, allowing yourself to react in anger or frustration is not the best thing for your child, and you must remember that. That means you need to take a deep breath, or a walk, when you start to lose your patience. Practice patience with your child and your relationship, and your child, will benefit over the long run. Sense of humor required. There will be times when your child does something that might make you blow your lid — writing in crayon all over the walls is a good one, as is dumping some kind of liquid on your couch, or sneaking out and taking your car to meet up with friends. While you need to teach your child not to do these things, it’s better to just laugh at the humor in the situation. I’ve learned to do this more often, and it helps me keep my sanity. Read to them, often. Whether you’re a reader or not, reading to your children (from the time they’re babies onward) is crucial. It gets them in the habit of reading, and prepares them for a lifetime of learning. It gives you some special time together, and become a tradition your child will cherish. I read with all my children, from my 2-year-old and my 15-year-old, and love every word we read together. See my list of Best All-Time Children’s Books. Don’t be the absent dad. The biggest mistake that dads make are not being there for their children. Always, always set aside time each day and each week for your children. Don’t let anything violate this sacred time. And at those big moments in your child’s life — a soccer game, a music recital, a science fair — do you very best to be there. It means the world. Let them play. Kids really develop through playing — and while it might seem obvious, you should allow them as much free play as possible. That’s aside from TV and video games (see below), aside from reading, aside from anything structured or educational. Just let them play, and make things up, and have fun. Spark their imagination. Free play, mentioned above, is the best way to develop the imagination, but sometimes you can provide a little spark. Play with your kids, creating forts, dressing up as ninjas, role playing, imagining you’re explorers or characters in a movie or book … the possibilities are endless, and you’ll have as much fun as they will. Limit TV and video games. I’m not saying you have to be Amish or anything, but too much of this type of entertainment keeps them from doing more imaginative playing, from reading, from getting outside to exercise. I recommend an hour a day of “media time”, but you can find the amount that works for you and your family. Learn the “firm no”. While I’m all for giving kids the freedom to choose, and for free play, and lots of other freedoms, there should be limits. Parents who don’t set boundaries are going to have children with behavior problems, who have problems when they grow up. And if it’s not good to always say “yes”, it’s also not good for the child to say “no” at first … and then cave in when they throw a temper tantrum or beg and plead. Teach them that your “no” is firm, but only say “no” when you really feel that it’s a boundary you need to set. Model good behavior. It’s one thing to tell you child what she should do, but to say one thing and do another just ruins the message. In fact, the real lesson your child will learn is what you do. Your child is always watching you, to learn appropriate behavior. Excessive drinking or smoking or drug use by parents, for example, will become ingrained in the child’s head. Bad manners, inconsiderate behavior, sloppy habits, anger and a negative attitude, laziness and greed … all these behaviors will rub off on your child. Instead, model the behavior you’d like your child to learn. Treat their mother with respect, always. Some fathers can be abusive toward their spouse, and that will lead to a cycle of abuse when the child grows up. But beyond physical or verbal abuse, there’s the milder sin against the child’s mother: disrespectful behavior. If you treat your child’s mother with disrespect, your child will not only learn that behavior, but grow up with insecurities and other emotional problems. Treat your child’s mother with respect at all times. Let them be themselves. Many parents try to mold their child into the person they want their child to be … even if the child’s personality doesn’t fit that mold. Instead, instill good behaviors and values in your child, but give your child freedom to be himself. Children, like all humans, have quirks and different personalities. Let those personalities flourish. Love your child for who he is, not who you want him to be. Teach them independence. From an early age, teach your children to do things for themselves, gradually letting them be more independent as they grow older. While it may seem difficult and time-consuming to teach your child to do something that you could do much faster yourself, it’s worth it in the long run, for the child’s self-confidence and also in terms of how much you have to do. For example, my kids know how to wash their own dishes, help clean the house, clean their rooms, fold and put away laundry, shower, groom and dress themselves, and much more — saving a lot of time and work for me. Even my 2-year-old knows how to pick things up when she’s told to do so. Stand together with mom. It’s no good to have one parent say one thing, just to have the other contradict that parent. Instead, you and mom should be working together as a parenting team, and should stand by each other’s decisions. That said, it’s important that you talk out these decisions beforehand, so that you don’t end up having to support a decision you strongly disagree with.

A FATHER IN A MILLION.

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. It is impossible to please all the world and one's father. Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves. Be kind to thy father, for when thou were young, who loved thee so fondly as he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, and joined in thy innocent glee. To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter. It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. The greatest gift I ever had came from God, and I call him Dad! To her the name of father was another name for love. The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother's always a democrat. All fathers are invisible in daytime; daytime is ruled by mothers and fathers come out at night. Darkness brings home fathers, with their real, unspeakable power. There is more to fathers than meets the eye.

YOU CAN BE A GREAT DAD TOO: THIS IS HOW.

"Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy."   - Anonymous A good father makes all the difference in a child's life. He's a pillar of strength, support and discipline. His work is endless and, oftentimes, thankless. But in the end, it shows in the sound, well-adjusted children he raises. On Father's Day, much of the world will take the time to appreciate the work of good fathers. While you show your admiration for your own dad, take the time to see if you yourself have what it takes to be a great father, whether you have children or plan to. 1- He's a good disciplinarian A good father loves his children, but he doesn't let them get away with murder. He strongly disapproves of his children's misdeeds, using tough love to prove a point. He does this through the power of his words, not his fists. Likewise, a father doesn't reward his children for actions that are expected of them, such as helping with house chores or performing well in school. If his child drops out of school, the father demands that he provide for himself, considering the child no longer wants to invest in his own future. 2- He allows his kids to make some mistakes A good father realizes that his children are human, and that making mistakes is part of growing up. Spending money recklessly, getting into minor car accidents, getting drunk and sick for the first time, even dating questionable women are rites of passage, and a good father recognizes this. However, he makes it clear that repeated irresponsibility won't be tolerated. 3- He's open-minded A good father understands that times, people and tastes change over the years, and doesn't try to maintain some gold standard of his own time. For instance, he realizes that body piercings are more commonplace than before, that more couples have premarital sex, and that people talk more candidly about personal issues. In other words, he allows his children to be citizens of their day and age. He shows his kids that everything has its value.

PREGNANCY Q & A 1

Are creams to treat yeast infections safe during pregnancy? For the most part, creams that treat yeast infections are fine for pregnant women. But I will caution you that in my practice, I generally recommend expectant moms stay away from exposing babies to ANYTHING in the first trimester (whether it be an over-the-counter medication, prescription, or cream), especially in weeks 6 through 9, when the organs are forming. But I'm a little less worried after 10 weeks. If a patient is really uncomfortable due to infection, then I will prescribe an antifungal cream even in the first trimester. You may notice you have more yeast infections during pregnancy, that's common. As pregnancy hormones go into overdrive the delicate balance of acid and yeast that are present in a normal, healthy vagina, are thrown out of whack. As a result, you may notice a cottage-cheese like discharge in your vaginal area, which may indicate a yeast infection. Even after your first trimester, if you suspect that you have a yeast infection you should talk to your health care provider before trying out any treatment—even those offered over-the-counter. Sometimes, what you think is a yeast infection, may instead be another type of infection, so confer with your doctor. Perhaps the best method to treat yeast infections is to avoid them altogether. The American Pregnancy Association offers these tips: Change out of wet, sweaty clothes right away. After workouts or swimming make sure to get into something dry. After using the bathroom, make sure to wipe from the front of your body to the back. Avoid wearing tight clothing that may encourage a moist environment in the vaginal area (which in turn can trigger yeast infections). Eat yogurt containing "lactobacillus acidophilus." Make sure to keep up with your regular prenatal visits to stay in good, overall health.

HOW DO I KNOW I'M PREGNANT? Q & A

How do I know if I am pregnant? I stopped using the contraceptive pill on January 10 and have not had a period since January 13. Could it be that I'm pregnant already? The only odd feeling I have is a full, bloated stomach. So many women have this concern. The most common signs of pregnancy are a missed menstrual period, breast enlargement and tenderness, frequent urination, and nausea. These signs typically occur about three to five weeks after conception. Thanks to modern technology, you don't have to wonder if you're pregnant for very long; you can get a home pregnancy test kit that can determine if you are pregnant at about the time that you miss your first period. These kits measure human chorionic gonadotropin levels (hCG) in the urine, which increase very rapidly during early pregnancy. The tests are generally accurate, provided that you follow the instructions carefully. Your doctor can also perform a blood test for hCG that will detect elevated levels a few days before the urine test turns positive. Since you would now be at least a month beyond the expected onset of your next period, the urine test is likely to be positive if you are pregnant (assuming that your periods are regular). If the urine test is consistently negative, you should contact your doctor.

OVERWEIGHT & PREGNANCY: Q & A

Q&A: Can being overweight affect my chances of getting pregnant? by Dr. Gerard M. DiLeo Can being overweight affect my chances of getting pregnant? To understand the answer to this question, you need to have an idea about how the body works. There are two sources of estrogen in the body: the ovary (directly) and the adrenal gland (indirectly). The ovary estrogen phases—up and down—in what are part of the variations of a normal menstrual cycle. Additionally adrenal glands make something called androstenedione, which is related to cholesterol, and actually even testosterone and progesterone. So it's common that hormones often are converted back and forth. In the case of the adrenal androstenedione, fat cells convert it into estrone—an estrogen. So, if you're significantly overweight, while your ovaries are trying to behave and cycle normally, the steady input of estrone from this other pathway will interfere. A steady supply of estrogen will blunt the peaks and valleys of the ovary's function, which ultimately interferes with ovulation. Also, all of this estrogen can even lead to precancerous changes in the womb (uterus)—which are usually reversible. Besides causing increased risk of heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes, obesity can also cause biochemistry to gang up on your chances for decent ovulation. So how can you tell whether your weight is affecting your fertility? If you're having regular periods, then you're probably having regular ovulations. If your periods are sporadic, then probably so are your ovulations. Fewer ovulations mean fewer chances to become pregnant. One additional thought: thyroid problems can cause both irregular periods and obesity, so it isn't unreasonable for your health care provider to begin your infertility work-up with blood work to see if you have thyroid issues.

PREGNANCY: YOUR QUESTION ANSWERED

Does thinning your blood by taking an aspirin a day make it easier to conceive? The simple answer is no. First, it is important to distinguish between low-dose aspirin (75 to 82 mg) and regular-dose aspirin. Low-dose, long-term aspirin use irreversibly blocks the formation of a chemical in platelets called thromboxane A2. This reduces platelets ability to clump together, thus reducing their clotting ability. So, low-dose aspirin does not "thin" the blood but rather acts as a mild anticoagulant. This anticoagulant property makes aspirin useful for reducing the incidence of heart attacks. There is no data that use of low-dose aspirin will improve the chance for conception in a couple who is trying to get pregnant through intercourse at home. Many, many studies have been performed using low-dose aspirin in women who are undergoing treatment with in-vitro fertilization (IVF) with mixed results. Some of the studies concluded that low-dose aspirin improved the thickness of the uterine lining or produced higher pregnancy rates. Many other studies failed to find a benefit in either outcome. Many reproductive endocrinologists utilize low-dose aspirin due to its ease of use, low expense, and lack of any data showing harm to its use. Another area where low-dose aspirin has been used is in couples with recurrent miscarriage. Some women with recurrent miscarriage may have underlying conditions which increase their risk for blood clotting. It is thought that blood clots forming in the uterine blood vessels may increase the risk of miscarriage. Again, numerous studies have been performed using low-dose aspirin and other anticoagulants in an attempt to reduce the risk for miscarriage. Again, the results are mixed. Physicians also persist in the use of low-dose aspirin for recurrent miscarriage since the studies also did not show any obvious harm in doing so.

TO BE PREGNANT: STRATEGY 1

Your TTC Strategy 1: Prepare to Be Pregnant What you should know up to 12 months before you start trying to get pregnant in this feature Why Prepare before a Pregnancy? What Factors Should We Consider to Prepare for Conception? Preconception Care Checklist Fertility Prediction Family Planning Boards Fertility Prediction Not all couples seeking fertility assessment are ready to conceive immediately. Some just want to know for their own peace of mind that there are no obstacles to conceiving. Others, who have delayed childbearing, want to know if they still have enough eggs and sperm. While no method of testing is 100 percent accurate, there are many approaches from low tech to high tech that provide valuable information. Low-Tech Methods For both men and women it is important to assess risk factors that may interfere with conception. Potential problems for women include a history of cancer treatment, endometriosis, sexually transmitted infections, age, polycystic ovarian syndrome, smoking, early menopause, and prior abdominal or pelvic surgery. Men should be concerned about age, chemical exposure, heat exposure, prior cancer treatment, certain prescription medications, sexually transmitted infections, surgery on reproductive organs, varicocele, and smoking. A woman's menstrual patterns provide an indication of fertility potential. If periods occur regularly every 28 to 32 days, if ovulation predictor kits indicate ovulation, if there are some premenstrual symptoms, and if she experiences mild to moderate cramps it is quite likely that she is ovulating and producing an egg each month. The absence of these signs and shortening or lengthening of menstrual cycles may indicate a problem. Over-the-counter fertility testing has recently become available. The male fertility test assesses the protein content of a semen sample to determine whether the sperm density is satisfactory. Other tests assess the sperm motility. For women, a test is available to measure follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), which gives an indication of the number of eggs in the ovary (ovarian reserve). The accuracy of the results from these tests are only as good as ability of the person to read directions and perform the tests properly. High-Tech Methods These tests are performed by a health care provider and have a much better ability to predict fertility. Many of these tests are used to assess infertility, but they can just as easily be used by those contemplating pregnancy. Semen analysis Semen analysis is probably the first test that is performed in men. This test determines the number of sperm and the proportion that are motile. If there are an inadequate number of sperm, additional testing may consist of an examination by an urologist, blood tests to measure hormones, chromosomal analysis, testicular biopsy, and tests to see if there are any blockages to sperm transport. If the sperm are not moving well, you may be tested for the presence of anti-sperm antibodies, varicocele, or prostatitis. No single sperm feature can accurately predict fertilization or pregnancy potential so tests to predict whether the sperm are able to fertilize an egg are sometimes used and include a computer-assisted semen analysis, induced-acrosome reaction testing, sperm penetration assay using hamster eggs, and sperm-zona pellucida binding assays. The clinical usefulness of specialized sperm testing remains controversial. Preconception Care Checklis...4 of 5 Family Planning Boards

PREPARING FOR PREGNANCY? START HERE.

in this feature Why Prepare before a Pregnancy? What Factors Should We Consider to Prepare for Conception? Preconception Care Checklist Fertility Prediction Family Planning Boards Preconception Care Checklist Foresight's results are impressive. The organization followed 367 couples between the ages of 22 and 45 years of age. At the end of the study, 89 percent had given birth. These results are impressive considering that 37 percent of the couples had a history of infertility, 38 percent had a previous miscarriage, 15 percent had had small-for-dates babies, and 70 percent had never been pregnant. Are you and your partner emotionally and financially ready for a baby? Does you health insurance cover pregnancy? Do you need a bigger place to live? How long can you afford to take maternity leave? Who will you be able to count on for help with childcare? Are there unresolved issues in your relationship? Now is a good time to get some counseling. If you have pets, how compatible will they be with a baby? Does your dog need obedience training? Stop smoking, drinking, caffeine, and recreational drugs. All of these are toxic to sperm and eggs. Both partners should schedule appointments for complete exams with their healthcare providers. Assess your level of exercise: Is it too much, too little, appropriate for pregnancy? Is your weight close to ideal? If not, plan a sensible weight loss regimen. Get a handle on stress. Simplify your life. Delegate. Avoid excesses in work hours, exercise, overfilled calendars, etc. Make sure vaccinations are up to date, including tetanus, rubella, chicken pox, hepatitis, and flu. If you are unsure whether you are immune you can take a simple blood test to measure antibodies. Have a dental checkup. Gum and dental disease can adversely affect your pregnancy. Get tested for hepatitis B and C, genitourinary infections, and HIV. Assess the status of chronic illnesses (diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure, epilepsy, thyroid problems, or chronic pain). Are they controlled as well as possible? Review your medications, supplements, and herbs with your healthcare provider and determine whether they are safe in pregnancy. Develop a plan for transitioning from birth control pills, IUD, or injected contraceptives to other types of contraception while you prepare. Review your diet. Remove refined foods, chemicals, and additives. Eat organic as much as possible. Three meals a day. Start taking prenatal vitamins, including folic acid, calcium, and omega-3 fatty acids. Avoid chemicals such as household cleaning agents, pesticides, herbicides, and work-related chemicals. Consider having an assessment for heavy metal, chemical exposures, allergies, and parasites. Determine whether you have other risk factors for infertility: DES exposure, abdominal or pelvic surgery, or past secually transmitted disease. Do you and your partner know your blood types? Assess your family history. Do you and your partner need genetic counseling? Do you have fertility factors that need to be addressed even before you attempt conception? Do you know how to determine the most fertile days of the month?