A FATHER IN A MILLION 2

Being a father can be a wonderful thing, once you get past all the gross stuff, all the stressful events, the loss of privacy, and the bewildering numbers of ways you can screw it up. But other than those few things, fatherhood is wonderful. Every dad has fears that he won’t be a great dad, that he’ll mess up, that he’ll be a failure. It comes with the job. Unfortunately, what doesn’t come with the job is a simple set of instructions. As guys, we often will skip the manual, figuring we can wing it … but when things go wrong, it’s nice to have that manual to go back to. Fatherhood needs that manual. And while, as the father of six children, you might say that I’m qualified to write such a manual, it’s not true — I’m winging it like everyone else. However, I’ve been a father for more than 15 years, and with six kids I’ve learned a lot about what works and what doesn’t, what’s important and what you can safely ignore (unlike that odd grating sound coming from your engine). What follows are the fatherhood tips I wish they’d passed out to me upon the delivery of my first child. It would have helped a ton. I hope they’ll help you become an even more awesome dad than you already are — feel free to refer back to them as a cheat sheet, anytime you need some help. Cherish your time with them. One thing that will amaze you is how quickly the years will fly. My oldest daughter is 15, which means I have three short years with her before she leaves the nest. That’s not enough time! The time you have with them is short and precious — make the most of it. Spend as much time as you can with them, and make it quality, loving time. Try to be present as much as possible while you’re with them too — don’t let your mind drift away, as they can sense that. It gets easier. Others may have different experiences, but I’ve always found the first couple of months the most difficult, when the baby is brand new and wants to feed at all hours of the night and you often have sleepless nights and walk around all day like zombies. It gets easier, as they get a regular sleeping pattern. The first couple of years are also a lot more demanding than later years, and as they hit middle school they become almost functioning, independent adults. It gets easier, trust me. Don’t look at anything as “mom” duties — share responsibilities. While there are a lot of good things from our grandparents’ day that we should bring back, the traditional dad/mom split of parenting duties isn’t one of them. Some men still look at certain duties as “mom” duties, but don’t be one of those dads. Get involved in everything, and share the load with your baby mama. Changing diapers, giving baths, getting them dressed, even feeding them (you can give them breast milk in a bottle). Love conquers all. This one sounds corny, but it should be at the center of your dad operating philosophy: above all, show your children love. When you’re upset, instead of yelling, show them love. When they are upset, show them love. When they least expect it, show them love. Everything else is just details. Kids like making decisions. While it is easier to be an authoritarian parent, what you’re teaching your child is to submit to orders no matter what. Instead, teach your child to make decisions, and he’ll grow up much more capable — and happier. Kids like freedom and decisions, just like any other human beings. Your job is to allow them to make decisions, but within the parameters that you set. Give them a choice between two healthy breakfasts, for example, rather than allowing them to eat a bowl of sugar if they choose to. A little patience goes a long way. As a parent, I know as well as anyone how easy it is to lose your patience and temper. However, allowing yourself to react in anger or frustration is not the best thing for your child, and you must remember that. That means you need to take a deep breath, or a walk, when you start to lose your patience. Practice patience with your child and your relationship, and your child, will benefit over the long run. Sense of humor required. There will be times when your child does something that might make you blow your lid — writing in crayon all over the walls is a good one, as is dumping some kind of liquid on your couch, or sneaking out and taking your car to meet up with friends. While you need to teach your child not to do these things, it’s better to just laugh at the humor in the situation. I’ve learned to do this more often, and it helps me keep my sanity. Read to them, often. Whether you’re a reader or not, reading to your children (from the time they’re babies onward) is crucial. It gets them in the habit of reading, and prepares them for a lifetime of learning. It gives you some special time together, and become a tradition your child will cherish. I read with all my children, from my 2-year-old and my 15-year-old, and love every word we read together. See my list of Best All-Time Children’s Books. Don’t be the absent dad. The biggest mistake that dads make are not being there for their children. Always, always set aside time each day and each week for your children. Don’t let anything violate this sacred time. And at those big moments in your child’s life — a soccer game, a music recital, a science fair — do you very best to be there. It means the world. Let them play. Kids really develop through playing — and while it might seem obvious, you should allow them as much free play as possible. That’s aside from TV and video games (see below), aside from reading, aside from anything structured or educational. Just let them play, and make things up, and have fun. Spark their imagination. Free play, mentioned above, is the best way to develop the imagination, but sometimes you can provide a little spark. Play with your kids, creating forts, dressing up as ninjas, role playing, imagining you’re explorers or characters in a movie or book … the possibilities are endless, and you’ll have as much fun as they will. Limit TV and video games. I’m not saying you have to be Amish or anything, but too much of this type of entertainment keeps them from doing more imaginative playing, from reading, from getting outside to exercise. I recommend an hour a day of “media time”, but you can find the amount that works for you and your family. Learn the “firm no”. While I’m all for giving kids the freedom to choose, and for free play, and lots of other freedoms, there should be limits. Parents who don’t set boundaries are going to have children with behavior problems, who have problems when they grow up. And if it’s not good to always say “yes”, it’s also not good for the child to say “no” at first … and then cave in when they throw a temper tantrum or beg and plead. Teach them that your “no” is firm, but only say “no” when you really feel that it’s a boundary you need to set. Model good behavior. It’s one thing to tell you child what she should do, but to say one thing and do another just ruins the message. In fact, the real lesson your child will learn is what you do. Your child is always watching you, to learn appropriate behavior. Excessive drinking or smoking or drug use by parents, for example, will become ingrained in the child’s head. Bad manners, inconsiderate behavior, sloppy habits, anger and a negative attitude, laziness and greed … all these behaviors will rub off on your child. Instead, model the behavior you’d like your child to learn. Treat their mother with respect, always. Some fathers can be abusive toward their spouse, and that will lead to a cycle of abuse when the child grows up. But beyond physical or verbal abuse, there’s the milder sin against the child’s mother: disrespectful behavior. If you treat your child’s mother with disrespect, your child will not only learn that behavior, but grow up with insecurities and other emotional problems. Treat your child’s mother with respect at all times. Let them be themselves. Many parents try to mold their child into the person they want their child to be … even if the child’s personality doesn’t fit that mold. Instead, instill good behaviors and values in your child, but give your child freedom to be himself. Children, like all humans, have quirks and different personalities. Let those personalities flourish. Love your child for who he is, not who you want him to be. Teach them independence. From an early age, teach your children to do things for themselves, gradually letting them be more independent as they grow older. While it may seem difficult and time-consuming to teach your child to do something that you could do much faster yourself, it’s worth it in the long run, for the child’s self-confidence and also in terms of how much you have to do. For example, my kids know how to wash their own dishes, help clean the house, clean their rooms, fold and put away laundry, shower, groom and dress themselves, and much more — saving a lot of time and work for me. Even my 2-year-old knows how to pick things up when she’s told to do so. Stand together with mom. It’s no good to have one parent say one thing, just to have the other contradict that parent. Instead, you and mom should be working together as a parenting team, and should stand by each other’s decisions. That said, it’s important that you talk out these decisions beforehand, so that you don’t end up having to support a decision you strongly disagree with.

A FATHER IN A MILLION.

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. It is impossible to please all the world and one's father. Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves. Be kind to thy father, for when thou were young, who loved thee so fondly as he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, and joined in thy innocent glee. To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter. It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. The greatest gift I ever had came from God, and I call him Dad! To her the name of father was another name for love. The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother's always a democrat. All fathers are invisible in daytime; daytime is ruled by mothers and fathers come out at night. Darkness brings home fathers, with their real, unspeakable power. There is more to fathers than meets the eye.

YOU CAN BE A GREAT DAD TOO: THIS IS HOW.

"Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy."   - Anonymous A good father makes all the difference in a child's life. He's a pillar of strength, support and discipline. His work is endless and, oftentimes, thankless. But in the end, it shows in the sound, well-adjusted children he raises. On Father's Day, much of the world will take the time to appreciate the work of good fathers. While you show your admiration for your own dad, take the time to see if you yourself have what it takes to be a great father, whether you have children or plan to. 1- He's a good disciplinarian A good father loves his children, but he doesn't let them get away with murder. He strongly disapproves of his children's misdeeds, using tough love to prove a point. He does this through the power of his words, not his fists. Likewise, a father doesn't reward his children for actions that are expected of them, such as helping with house chores or performing well in school. If his child drops out of school, the father demands that he provide for himself, considering the child no longer wants to invest in his own future. 2- He allows his kids to make some mistakes A good father realizes that his children are human, and that making mistakes is part of growing up. Spending money recklessly, getting into minor car accidents, getting drunk and sick for the first time, even dating questionable women are rites of passage, and a good father recognizes this. However, he makes it clear that repeated irresponsibility won't be tolerated. 3- He's open-minded A good father understands that times, people and tastes change over the years, and doesn't try to maintain some gold standard of his own time. For instance, he realizes that body piercings are more commonplace than before, that more couples have premarital sex, and that people talk more candidly about personal issues. In other words, he allows his children to be citizens of their day and age. He shows his kids that everything has its value.

PREGNANCY Q & A 1

Are creams to treat yeast infections safe during pregnancy? For the most part, creams that treat yeast infections are fine for pregnant women. But I will caution you that in my practice, I generally recommend expectant moms stay away from exposing babies to ANYTHING in the first trimester (whether it be an over-the-counter medication, prescription, or cream), especially in weeks 6 through 9, when the organs are forming. But I'm a little less worried after 10 weeks. If a patient is really uncomfortable due to infection, then I will prescribe an antifungal cream even in the first trimester. You may notice you have more yeast infections during pregnancy, that's common. As pregnancy hormones go into overdrive the delicate balance of acid and yeast that are present in a normal, healthy vagina, are thrown out of whack. As a result, you may notice a cottage-cheese like discharge in your vaginal area, which may indicate a yeast infection. Even after your first trimester, if you suspect that you have a yeast infection you should talk to your health care provider before trying out any treatment—even those offered over-the-counter. Sometimes, what you think is a yeast infection, may instead be another type of infection, so confer with your doctor. Perhaps the best method to treat yeast infections is to avoid them altogether. The American Pregnancy Association offers these tips: Change out of wet, sweaty clothes right away. After workouts or swimming make sure to get into something dry. After using the bathroom, make sure to wipe from the front of your body to the back. Avoid wearing tight clothing that may encourage a moist environment in the vaginal area (which in turn can trigger yeast infections). Eat yogurt containing "lactobacillus acidophilus." Make sure to keep up with your regular prenatal visits to stay in good, overall health.

HOW DO I KNOW I'M PREGNANT? Q & A

How do I know if I am pregnant? I stopped using the contraceptive pill on January 10 and have not had a period since January 13. Could it be that I'm pregnant already? The only odd feeling I have is a full, bloated stomach. So many women have this concern. The most common signs of pregnancy are a missed menstrual period, breast enlargement and tenderness, frequent urination, and nausea. These signs typically occur about three to five weeks after conception. Thanks to modern technology, you don't have to wonder if you're pregnant for very long; you can get a home pregnancy test kit that can determine if you are pregnant at about the time that you miss your first period. These kits measure human chorionic gonadotropin levels (hCG) in the urine, which increase very rapidly during early pregnancy. The tests are generally accurate, provided that you follow the instructions carefully. Your doctor can also perform a blood test for hCG that will detect elevated levels a few days before the urine test turns positive. Since you would now be at least a month beyond the expected onset of your next period, the urine test is likely to be positive if you are pregnant (assuming that your periods are regular). If the urine test is consistently negative, you should contact your doctor.

OVERWEIGHT & PREGNANCY: Q & A

Q&A: Can being overweight affect my chances of getting pregnant? by Dr. Gerard M. DiLeo Can being overweight affect my chances of getting pregnant? To understand the answer to this question, you need to have an idea about how the body works. There are two sources of estrogen in the body: the ovary (directly) and the adrenal gland (indirectly). The ovary estrogen phases—up and down—in what are part of the variations of a normal menstrual cycle. Additionally adrenal glands make something called androstenedione, which is related to cholesterol, and actually even testosterone and progesterone. So it's common that hormones often are converted back and forth. In the case of the adrenal androstenedione, fat cells convert it into estrone—an estrogen. So, if you're significantly overweight, while your ovaries are trying to behave and cycle normally, the steady input of estrone from this other pathway will interfere. A steady supply of estrogen will blunt the peaks and valleys of the ovary's function, which ultimately interferes with ovulation. Also, all of this estrogen can even lead to precancerous changes in the womb (uterus)—which are usually reversible. Besides causing increased risk of heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes, obesity can also cause biochemistry to gang up on your chances for decent ovulation. So how can you tell whether your weight is affecting your fertility? If you're having regular periods, then you're probably having regular ovulations. If your periods are sporadic, then probably so are your ovulations. Fewer ovulations mean fewer chances to become pregnant. One additional thought: thyroid problems can cause both irregular periods and obesity, so it isn't unreasonable for your health care provider to begin your infertility work-up with blood work to see if you have thyroid issues.

PREGNANCY: YOUR QUESTION ANSWERED

Does thinning your blood by taking an aspirin a day make it easier to conceive? The simple answer is no. First, it is important to distinguish between low-dose aspirin (75 to 82 mg) and regular-dose aspirin. Low-dose, long-term aspirin use irreversibly blocks the formation of a chemical in platelets called thromboxane A2. This reduces platelets ability to clump together, thus reducing their clotting ability. So, low-dose aspirin does not "thin" the blood but rather acts as a mild anticoagulant. This anticoagulant property makes aspirin useful for reducing the incidence of heart attacks. There is no data that use of low-dose aspirin will improve the chance for conception in a couple who is trying to get pregnant through intercourse at home. Many, many studies have been performed using low-dose aspirin in women who are undergoing treatment with in-vitro fertilization (IVF) with mixed results. Some of the studies concluded that low-dose aspirin improved the thickness of the uterine lining or produced higher pregnancy rates. Many other studies failed to find a benefit in either outcome. Many reproductive endocrinologists utilize low-dose aspirin due to its ease of use, low expense, and lack of any data showing harm to its use. Another area where low-dose aspirin has been used is in couples with recurrent miscarriage. Some women with recurrent miscarriage may have underlying conditions which increase their risk for blood clotting. It is thought that blood clots forming in the uterine blood vessels may increase the risk of miscarriage. Again, numerous studies have been performed using low-dose aspirin and other anticoagulants in an attempt to reduce the risk for miscarriage. Again, the results are mixed. Physicians also persist in the use of low-dose aspirin for recurrent miscarriage since the studies also did not show any obvious harm in doing so.

TO BE PREGNANT: STRATEGY 1

Your TTC Strategy 1: Prepare to Be Pregnant What you should know up to 12 months before you start trying to get pregnant in this feature Why Prepare before a Pregnancy? What Factors Should We Consider to Prepare for Conception? Preconception Care Checklist Fertility Prediction Family Planning Boards Fertility Prediction Not all couples seeking fertility assessment are ready to conceive immediately. Some just want to know for their own peace of mind that there are no obstacles to conceiving. Others, who have delayed childbearing, want to know if they still have enough eggs and sperm. While no method of testing is 100 percent accurate, there are many approaches from low tech to high tech that provide valuable information. Low-Tech Methods For both men and women it is important to assess risk factors that may interfere with conception. Potential problems for women include a history of cancer treatment, endometriosis, sexually transmitted infections, age, polycystic ovarian syndrome, smoking, early menopause, and prior abdominal or pelvic surgery. Men should be concerned about age, chemical exposure, heat exposure, prior cancer treatment, certain prescription medications, sexually transmitted infections, surgery on reproductive organs, varicocele, and smoking. A woman's menstrual patterns provide an indication of fertility potential. If periods occur regularly every 28 to 32 days, if ovulation predictor kits indicate ovulation, if there are some premenstrual symptoms, and if she experiences mild to moderate cramps it is quite likely that she is ovulating and producing an egg each month. The absence of these signs and shortening or lengthening of menstrual cycles may indicate a problem. Over-the-counter fertility testing has recently become available. The male fertility test assesses the protein content of a semen sample to determine whether the sperm density is satisfactory. Other tests assess the sperm motility. For women, a test is available to measure follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), which gives an indication of the number of eggs in the ovary (ovarian reserve). The accuracy of the results from these tests are only as good as ability of the person to read directions and perform the tests properly. High-Tech Methods These tests are performed by a health care provider and have a much better ability to predict fertility. Many of these tests are used to assess infertility, but they can just as easily be used by those contemplating pregnancy. Semen analysis Semen analysis is probably the first test that is performed in men. This test determines the number of sperm and the proportion that are motile. If there are an inadequate number of sperm, additional testing may consist of an examination by an urologist, blood tests to measure hormones, chromosomal analysis, testicular biopsy, and tests to see if there are any blockages to sperm transport. If the sperm are not moving well, you may be tested for the presence of anti-sperm antibodies, varicocele, or prostatitis. No single sperm feature can accurately predict fertilization or pregnancy potential so tests to predict whether the sperm are able to fertilize an egg are sometimes used and include a computer-assisted semen analysis, induced-acrosome reaction testing, sperm penetration assay using hamster eggs, and sperm-zona pellucida binding assays. The clinical usefulness of specialized sperm testing remains controversial. Preconception Care Checklis...4 of 5 Family Planning Boards

PREPARING FOR PREGNANCY? START HERE.

in this feature Why Prepare before a Pregnancy? What Factors Should We Consider to Prepare for Conception? Preconception Care Checklist Fertility Prediction Family Planning Boards Preconception Care Checklist Foresight's results are impressive. The organization followed 367 couples between the ages of 22 and 45 years of age. At the end of the study, 89 percent had given birth. These results are impressive considering that 37 percent of the couples had a history of infertility, 38 percent had a previous miscarriage, 15 percent had had small-for-dates babies, and 70 percent had never been pregnant. Are you and your partner emotionally and financially ready for a baby? Does you health insurance cover pregnancy? Do you need a bigger place to live? How long can you afford to take maternity leave? Who will you be able to count on for help with childcare? Are there unresolved issues in your relationship? Now is a good time to get some counseling. If you have pets, how compatible will they be with a baby? Does your dog need obedience training? Stop smoking, drinking, caffeine, and recreational drugs. All of these are toxic to sperm and eggs. Both partners should schedule appointments for complete exams with their healthcare providers. Assess your level of exercise: Is it too much, too little, appropriate for pregnancy? Is your weight close to ideal? If not, plan a sensible weight loss regimen. Get a handle on stress. Simplify your life. Delegate. Avoid excesses in work hours, exercise, overfilled calendars, etc. Make sure vaccinations are up to date, including tetanus, rubella, chicken pox, hepatitis, and flu. If you are unsure whether you are immune you can take a simple blood test to measure antibodies. Have a dental checkup. Gum and dental disease can adversely affect your pregnancy. Get tested for hepatitis B and C, genitourinary infections, and HIV. Assess the status of chronic illnesses (diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure, epilepsy, thyroid problems, or chronic pain). Are they controlled as well as possible? Review your medications, supplements, and herbs with your healthcare provider and determine whether they are safe in pregnancy. Develop a plan for transitioning from birth control pills, IUD, or injected contraceptives to other types of contraception while you prepare. Review your diet. Remove refined foods, chemicals, and additives. Eat organic as much as possible. Three meals a day. Start taking prenatal vitamins, including folic acid, calcium, and omega-3 fatty acids. Avoid chemicals such as household cleaning agents, pesticides, herbicides, and work-related chemicals. Consider having an assessment for heavy metal, chemical exposures, allergies, and parasites. Determine whether you have other risk factors for infertility: DES exposure, abdominal or pelvic surgery, or past secually transmitted disease. Do you and your partner know your blood types? Assess your family history. Do you and your partner need genetic counseling? Do you have fertility factors that need to be addressed even before you attempt conception? Do you know how to determine the most fertile days of the month?

Planning For Pregnancy.

in this feature Why Prepare before a Pregnancy? What Factors Should We Consider to Prepare for Conception? Preconception Care Checklist Fertility Prediction Family Planning Boards Why Prepare before a Pregnancy? Most prospective parents take the process of procreation for granted as natural and practically automatic. The idea of consciously preparing for conception and pregnancy is a rather recent phenomenon, but well worth the effort. Preconception care encompasses the health services provided to women and men of reproductive age in preparation for a future pregnancy. Preconception care provides a window of opportunity to optimize both partners' health and identify any risks and take steps to reduce them. Many of the recommendations included in preconception preparation can be done by the individual or in concert with a healthcare professional, including your own OB-GYN, or programs that specialize in this type of care. Research has shown that every aspect of our reproduction is adversely affected in some way by our 21st century lifestyle and living conditions. The food you eat, the environment you live in, and the lifestyle you lead in the months before you conceive a child can have profound effects on the well being of your baby. Preconception healthcare can help prevent miscarriage, stillbirths, premature births, and congenital abnormalities, and can enhance fertility even with couples who have had difficulty conceiving on their own. In addition, preconception care can allow women to have a healthier pregnancy, recover more quickly after birth, and decrease your child's risk for certain adult health problems. Large numbers of studies with animals show that when either parent is deficient in one or a number of essential nutrients, the offspring will be miscarried or will suffer from a variety of malformations. These malformations, which in the past were believed to be genetic, can be manipulated in the lab by inducing a deficiency or deficiencies in one or more of the essential vitamins and minerals. All this means there are many things you can do to improve your physical health and psychological readiness in the critical six- to 12-month period before conception.

10 Things To Make You the World Best Husband.

OK, Dad, let's be honest. Doesn't mom need a break from all the things she does with the kids - Food, homework, keeping track of school events etc.,  Even if you cannot step into these tasks all the time, how about taking the kids off her back for a while. Moreover, it is a great way for you to spend time with your children. Here are a few ideas that dads can do with their kids to give mummy a break. 1. Take the kids to the zoo This is a destination that will take a few hours out of the day. Pick a Saturday afternoon, drive down to the local zoo and walk around. Talk about all the animals there. Play around with your kids, make all the animal noises. If there is a lion safari, take it. Remember to stock up on the water, as there is usually a lot of walking that is done in these places. 2. Take a local train or bus ride These days a number of children have never been on a local train or local bus. But their fascination with public transport is always high. Even if you think going in your car or motorcycle is best for them, these are a great way to spend some time on the weekends. Many of our cities have a good local train system which is seldom crowded on weekends. Take your children on a long train ride in the local trains. Buy a ticket from your station to the terminus and back. And believe it or not, you will see your own city from a different perspective. No local trains in your city? Not to worry. Buses offer the same thing. In some of our cities with newer airports, they are running nice Volvo buses between the airport and the centre of the city. These can be a great ride also, if the dust and grime of a local city bus sounds unwelcome to you. But the best ride is if you can find yourself a doubledecker. Yes, they are still out there!! 3. Be Mr. Fix It OK, for this one you never leave the house. So this may or may not give mommy a full break. But it sure will help children learn how to do things on their own. Fix some things around the house. It does not matter if you really fix them or not, get your children involved. It could be simple things. Remember that curtain rod in the bedroom that just needs a screw or two tightened, do it. Or how about that bathroom lock that has to be jiggled to make it work. Try to take it apart and oil it and put it in again. Ok, that's a little tougher, but what a great life lesson for your children - Do it yourself. Give small tasks to your children to keep them involved. And dads, don't forget to teach your children how to hammer a nail. 4. Learn with the kids at the museum This is a destination which can be a great resource to educate children about various topics. Depending on the city you are in, you may be able to learn about art, history, nature etc., It is also a great place to have meaningful conversations about such topics.  You can even have children bring along books or textbooks on these topics and read from them while seeing the exhibits. 5. Have a picnic Pack some sandwiches, or other favourite food of your children, get some fruit juice and set off for a picnic. It could be at the beach, at a nearby park, or other such location. 6. Send mom to the spa and take care of the kids at home Instead of taking the kids out, get mom out of the house. Gift her an afternoon of pampering at a nearby spa or massage place. Take care of the kids at home. Play some sports. Do some art. Turn off the TV. Play some board games. Keep the kids busy and spend some quality time with them. 7. Find a sport you and your kids can play together One way to create a regular date for dad and the kids is to get involved in a sport or game together. It could be swimming, tennis, badminton etc., where dad and children can participate at the same time. Its a great way to exercise for all of you and gets your kids started early in an active lifestyle. 8. Volunteer Find a local NGO which has a deserving project that needs volunteers. For example, there are many literacy programs that require helping hands on the weekend or a local orphanage that needs volunteers to keep the children engaged on the weekends. By sharing a common experience with a social benefit, you and your kids will not only have fun but the satisfaction of having done something for others. It will also teach your children the importance of giving back to society. 9. Catch a movie Has the latest children's movie come to town? Have your children been waiting eagerly for it?  Drop mom off a friend's house, and take off with your kids (and even the friend's kids) to the movie. You and the kids can be entertained for a few hours and theatre snacks can be shared by all. 10. Watch a sporting event Of course, you can always go to the cricket match with your children. But there are many other options.  Many cities are also hosting tennis tournaments which are a great way to spend a few hours. If you are looking for something regular, you can find football and hockey leagues in many cities, playing in university and college playgrounds. Get your hats out and go watch a match for an hour or two. The best part is that there will be plenty of parking as hardly anyone shows up for these things.   Do jump in with your own ideas for the dads here.

The Great African Housewife....by Solome Nakaweesi-Kimbugwe

I am back from Guatemala, from this exciting, spiritually-connected gathering: a great dance, party, food, and robust conversations at an invigorating meeting. It’s so exciting that I keep smiling to myself remembering the energy in the room, the sisterhood, the fact that as women race, colour, region, affinity, language never matter. For us it was about how to make a difference and truly redefine “Democracy”. As I transit in Texas, my realities hit again and I leave dreamland. Quite an interesting and long story including lost luggage, partial detention, and also being asked in Houston by customs officials why I am "camouflaging as a professional" yet I am an "African Housewife"? And, as an "African Housewife", where I got all these visas in my passport, why I travel frequently and where I got money to travel to Guatemala? How did I get invited to a Nobel Women’s Peace Prize event in Guatemala?! For him it’s because I had tied a black and red head piece on my head (yet I tied it to protect my hair from drying due to cabin air in this long journey or just to look sexy the way I define it)! I was so outraged with this that I asked him to substantiate his assertion, and also why he has the right to define my identity and undermine the sovereignty of the Government of Uganda who issued me a passport that best defined me, and why for him it’s bad to be an African housewife. So he asked me what my African man/husband does for a living. I became equally outraged and sarcastically asserted that “He cleans all the toilets in Harare Town and please sir, I wish to advise you that African women are not pregnant, barefoot and poor all the time. The media in your countries should tell you the whole story and the reality of life in Africa, where we may be poor but African peoples have higher happiness indicators and lower stress levels than the vast population of the world...”. You must now imagine what that meant and what happened next… partial detention and interrogation of this “intelligent housewife”. In the interrogation, I kept remembering the sisters that were refused entry and how many of us, as participants, couldn’t make it to Guatemala or faced similar situations. How many had a hard time coming and going, and how it’s increasingly hard to organize - at a time when we need it most as women of the world. My mind kept wondering why for these people, they think there is no innovation, or intellegencia, or any great things in Africa, and that all African women are housewives and being a housewife is bad. Do they know how much unpaid labour women put into being housewives and how many housewives sustain Africa today and have done so since time immemorial, after everyone has plundered us of the strong energetic men and women during the slave trade, colonialism, mining and neo-colonialism and now the same happens in Iraq /Afghanistan/ Iran/ Sudan/ DRC, just name it? Or do they even know that our labour as housewives of the world is never recognized and remunerated? This has renewed my love for women of the world, the ordinary women who sustain this world and keep the engine moving, and for Africa, my zeal to really make a difference and the fact that we must invest all the resources in the revolution to change the lives of women! No one will fund the revolution in Africa, as Africans we must do it…. And also the fact that as women we suffer these whole discussions about democracy, organizing internationally as women for peace and justice. How do we even talk about peace and justice when issues such as citizenship, right to movement, acceptability, race and class still abound? We must go back to the basics... yes, the basics that even Housewives like me get invited to speak at Nobel Peace Prize Women’s Events. So, now I proudly wear a badge as a “Great African Housewife”! Like No Post as …

I really want to be the greatest dad ever: Do you? Then read this!

When Indian men become a dad, there often is a transformation that happens. Many husbands seems to lapse into the old stereotypical daddy model. This often results in a growing gap between husband and wife. Here are some tips for dads on how to remain a good husband. 1. Do not forget that you are a husband You have added a new role of "dad" to your current roles. But that does not replace your role of "husband". That will remain one of your primary roles and comes with its own responsibilities. 2. Your mother does not know all about parenting When writing this blog post, we debated whether this should be Tip #1 or not. But then we decided to leave it where it is. There is nothing more detrimental to your relationship with your wife, than to claim or advise your wife that your mother's way is the best way to parent your child. Remember, times have changed since your mother brought you up.  And even if your mother is right, do not point that our to your wife, in front of your mother! 3. Child rearing is your job too Dads have a great responsibility and role in bringing up children. Along with mom, you are one of the two role models that your child looks up to. Get involved in bringing up your child. From changing diapers to playing with them to helping them finish their homework. Your involvement will strengthen your relationship with your wife. 4. Give Mom a break from the kids If despite your attempts, mom does the bulk of the work with the kids, try and give her a break whenever possible. Remember that spending time with children can wear one down. Read our article - Dads - 10 Ways to give mom a break from the kids. 5. Spend time with your wife, alone Whether you live in a joint family or not, it is always difficult to find time to talk unless you make a conscious attempt to find that time. And nothing improves relationships better than talking. There are many way to do this. Take your wife out to a restaurant while your parents or parents-in-law take care of the children. Or go to a movie. If you do not have family to take care of children, find another couple with who you can take turns taking care of both sets of children. If you cannot do these, then find an activity which your wife does alone and make time around it. For example, if she gets up early to cook, get up early with her and talk to her while she is cooking in the kitchen. 6. Say Thanks to your wife. Show you are grateful. Often moms complain that it is not the hard work that bothers them. It is the fact that no one recognizes it. Think about all the things mom takes care of - food, clothes, books, homework, playdates, family functions, doctors, classes. Never forget this. Make sure you acknowledge her contributions directly to her. A simple thanks would be great. But even more important, do not trivialize her efforts saying "What's the big deal with what you do?" 7. Don't forget Mother's Day While Mother's Day is only one day of the year, celebrate it with your children and make your wife feel special. 8. Continue to focus on your common interests Think back to how you and your wife spent time before kids. What were all the common interests you had. Did you like going to the beach and having chaat/icecream, did you enjoy movies, did you like gossiping, did you like the same authors? Remember to keep that interest going. 9. Small gifts. Large impact. Keep the romance in the relationship. Surprise your wife with small gifts - an earring, a book. And if you are brave, you can even get clothes :-) It does not have to be expensive, it just has to be thoughtful. Paraphrasing an ad "Remind her why she fell in love with you". 10. Celebrate anniversaries Of course the wedding anniversaries are the big ones. Do something special. But don't forget the small ones you used to celebrate before you had kids. Your first movie together. Your first kiss. Put these in your calendar so you won't forget. 11. Maintain a fun sexual relationship And while this is the most obvious, it also often becomes the most ignored as excuses seem to come up from all possible directions. And before you know it the magic is lost. Keep this mind and don't forget to have fun. Remember, a relationship between husband and wife can easily weaken if enough effort is not put into it. As a dad, you need to do your part. Good luck.  

Inculcating Good Manners in Our Children: HOW?

The age old adage ‘Strike when the iron is hot’ is very apt when it comes to the development of good manners in children. Good manners can greatly help the social success of the child. But getting children to practice good manners is very difficult because children do not always do what you tell them.
Very often parents complain that their children do not listen to them at all.  Shouting at them regarding misbehavior will not rectify it. Children need constant reiteration about what is acceptable behaviour. 
Patience and repetition are the keys to inculcate good manners in children. Here are a few ways in which we can help them remember their good manners:
First, lay down clearly what is expected from the kids regarding good manners. Encourage them to question you regarding etiquette at various places - table manners, telephone, please and thank you, and so on.
Compliment good manners like when they say please or thank you. If not every time, do it more often than when you point out bad manners
We as parents should use appropriate language and behaviour in various circumstances that involve children so that they are reminded of the right kind of behaviour 
Do not overlook the bad manners when they are exhibited. For example, if they do not say "please" when asking for something, ask them to "say the magic word". It is always right to tell them about the appropriate manners in a firm tone (Do not become angry or plead!). Sometimes, you may have to ignore the bad behaviour at the time it occurs, but talk about it when you get the next appropriate opportunity.
Tell them when someone they know has appreciated their good manners. The child’s heart will swell with pride.
Involve the kids in friendly conversations about manners and ask them to differentiate between good manners and bad manners.
Do not reprimand children in public unless there is an egregious display of bad manners. 
While you want good manners displayed all the time, it may be too much to ask of little kids. For important occasions like a school event or a social get together, do remind them to display good behaviour.
Read them books about good manners. Stories of their favourite characters behaving well will serve them as good reminders also.
Even if children do not always follow good manners instantly and consistently, rest assured that they are learning from you. Your consistent effort to familiarize them with good manners will pay off in the long run.

Workplace Etiquettes: The DO's & Dont's

Workplace Do's and Don'ts

Workplaces can differ in every sense. From dress codes to the informalities of how people interact with each other, the protocol of the accepted etiquette will vary both from industry to industry and also between companies involved in the same industry themselves.

For example, a factory environment may adopt a far less formal approach than, say, a law firm but probably the most important aspect to remember is that just because you work within a particular industry, you shouldn’t assume that what was acceptable within one company you’ve worked for previously will be just the same if you move to a similar role within another similar type of company.

Therefore, when you move to a new workplace, always err on the side of caution and use those first few days to casually observe your fellow colleagues and to try to establish what’s considered ‘reasonable’ behaviour and what isn’t. If you’re unsure about certain things such as if it’s acceptable to have your mobile phone on, for example, or the specifics of the dress code, ask a colleague. However, there are a number of workplace ‘dos and don’ts’ that are commonly accepted by most companies.

Workplace Don’ts
Often, it’s a simple matter of using your common sense and behaving in a manner that shows courtesy and respect for others but there are numerous things that you should obviously not get involved with or encourage. Here’s a list of some of the most commonly cited examples of behavior that is often frowned upon and even not tolerated by most companies, regardless of type. Disregarding these, it can often, at best, make you unpopular or, at worst, might even get you the sack. Things you shouldn’t do at work include:
Engage in idle gossip about other colleagues or your boss or ‘bad mouth’ them
Don’t get involved in any banter which might have sexual or racial overtones
Be modest and don’t harp on about any of your previous achievements or be an attention seeker
Don’t try to court favor with your boss or immediate supervisors. Just doing your job in the best way you can is the most productive way of impressing those higher up the ladder than you
Don’t assume something is acceptable practice in either conversations you might have or actions you might consider taking. A good example of this is assuming that it’s OK to leave your mobile phone on silent or vibrate, yet still respond to text messages, for example. Establish the position on that and other things you’re not sure about first such as eating at your desk or work station, which is another good example where people often do the wrong thing.

Workplace Dos
There are a number of things that you should do if you want to be seen as a valuable member of the team and to be considered a valued colleague. These can include:
Being respectful and courteous towards others - even if you don’t necessarily like a particular person
Keep your voice at an acceptable level. A loud voice which is noticeable in a particular work environment can not only be counterproductive for others who are trying to get on with their work but can be extremely annoying too
Offer to help others if there’s anything you might be able to do to assist them and make their job easier if you’ve time to do so
Dress appropriately and adopt a similar degree of formality/informality once you’ve established the acceptable ‘code of conduct’
Make sure you understand the rules surrounding e-mail etiquette and the use of your mobile phone
Remember you’re being paid to work so keep idle chit-chat and other things that may take your attention away from what you’ve been employed to do to a minimum.
Stay positive and upbeat and...smile!
These are just simple dos and don’ts which reflect general workplace etiquette in most workplaces and are often as much about using your own common sense as anything else. However, this entire website contains more specific articles which may be of more relevance to a particular situation you’re faced with at work in terms of what you should and shouldn’t be doing or saying

Telephone Manners

(1) Make sure of the correct number so as not to risk disturbing strangers.
(2) Make sure that your conversations with busy people are as brief as possible.

(3) When calling friends who do not recognize your voice, announce yourself right away.

(4) Time your calls so as not to interfere with the work schedule of those you call.

(5) Make business calls well before the close of the office hours.

(6) After dialing a wrong number simply say, "Sorry, wrong number."

(7) When the number you are calling is not answered quickly, wait long enough for someone to put aside what he or she is doing. It is very annoying to have been disturbed just to pick up the telephone and find the caller has hung up.

MIND YOUR TABLE MANNERS

How many of us still remembers to teach our children proper table manners. Are you a parent? When last did you insist that your wards adhers strictly to proper table manners? Well, If you feel guilty in this regards, then you are not alone. Today, as parents, many of us are guilty of this simple yet important societal norms...ETIQUETTE. Etiquette is defined as "The rules for socially acceptable behaviour". Though it varies from place to place but there is a general rule.
To save time, I will try to highlight the very important ones here.
1]. The host or the head of the family should begins after the food is served.
2]. The host or the head of the family seats at the head of the table.
3]. Where possible, meals should be taking without requesting for extra salt. As asking for extra salt may be viewed as being unappreciative.
4]. Food shouild be chewed with the mouth closed. Noisy chewing is viewed as been mannerless.
5]. In traditional Afrcan setting, children are not allowed to talk at meal time.
6]. Talking with food in the mouth is generally seen as mannerless.
7]. In a social setting, white wine is always served before red wine.
8].It is a mark of disrespect to your host to pick calls at the dinning table. However, you could step asside after duly excusing yourselve, to pick your calls and do make sure you are out of earshot and don't stay too long.
9]. And never ask for more wine: That would be impolite.
10]. And finally, diners should ask for items to be passed along the table and never over someones head. That would be rude.